


Once Upon a Weekend

by Anorlost



Series: Once Upon a Series [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Asexuality, Drug use mention, La Chancla, M/M, School Dances, Welsh swearing, alcohol consumption, asexual!Hux, mongolian deathworms, teenagers kissing under bleachers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-05-24 12:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6153523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anorlost/pseuds/Anorlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Principal Hux had enough on his plate with Poe Dameron's escapades.  Throw in a school dance, an art TA with anger management issues, an intrepid shop student, and an ill advised jaunt to a godforsaken pub called The Outer Rim and what should have been a mildly unusual weekend turns into a wild ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Freedom!

**Author's Note:**

> I know Domhnall Gleeson (the actor who portrays Hux) is Irish, but after typing Hux saying, 'I'm Welsh' it was so funny that it stuck. So instead of secretly!Irish Hux I give you Disgruntled-Welshman!Hux. For all your disgruntled Welsh needs. I am not funny and I need to be stopped. 
> 
> Thanks to Countofeight as always for beta-ing. You are a beautiful person who reads my fics and drinks beer with me. I hope we get to do more of both soon XD 
> 
> Fun with etymology: Vanen, if you say it fast enough sounds vaguely like Vignt Un. Bastardized from Vignt et un. Or 21. As in 2187. As In FN-2187. It's not a canon name, that's all you need to know.

Hux held up a small ruler to his eyes as he watched hoards of sweaty, smelly, hormonal teenagers hang around in groups or wriggle around each other doing what Hux could only assume was the latest dance craze. He peered through it, his eyes narrow. He spotted a couple, dancing closely, almost a little _too_ closely. By his estimation they were millimeters away from breeching the mandatory ten centimeters distance required by the regulations written on the whiteboard. He lowered the ruler and crossed his arms, trying to ignore the loud music, especially the throbbing bassline that echoed dizzyingly throughout the gymnasium. Hux sighed through his nose.

First Order High was a wreck. In the beginning of the school’s history it had been named because of its academic excellence and exemplary students. Now it seemed to be called that because it was always the first order of business to be addressed at board of education meetings. What was to be done with First Order High? What with students getting knocked up, dropping out, getting drunk, doing drugs and starting fights, the place was basically becoming an all-around den of sin and lawsuits just looking for a place to happen.

The solution: Send in Hux. A highly educated, definitely overqualified stickler for the rules who was officially the youngest principal in the history of the county. Possibly the state. Almost immediately change was beginning to show. Hux had no qualms with enforcing regulations, getting police involved, even breaking up the odd hallway brawl himself. The students quickly learned that despite Principal Hux’s lean build and seemingly scrawny arms, he knew how to perform a sleeper hold. They also quickly learned, after the incident, that Hux had no problem with talking down parents who refused to believe _their_ precious child could ever start fights. He also did not accept bribery in any form, and refused to be dissuaded by threats. When the father of a suspended student threatened to ‘get you fired, you fucking leprechaun,’ it was rumoured that Principal Hux responded by throwing the man out on his ass and politely replying, “I’m Welsh.”

The student body was somewhat in awe of Hux, but as was often the case with figures of authority awe did not translate to warm feelings necessarily. He was popular with some female students, being one of the youngest male members of the faculty as well as mature and serious, but for every student with a mild crush on him, there were at least twenty who hated him for being a, quote “total buzzkill.”

As the music blared Hux tapped Phasma on the shoulder. She was an amazon of a woman, all muscle, and taller than Hux’s already towering six feet by four inches. There were rumours that she ate nails and steroids for breakfast. It would not have surprised Hux in the least, especially since she somehow found the time and energy to coach nearly two thirds of the school’s athletic teams. She turned towards him, looking down through curly blond bangs. Hux called, “I’m taking a turn around the room.”

“What?”

He frowned and made a slightly undignified circular motion with his hand, accompanied by a meaningful tilt of his head toward what was currently serving as the ‘dance floor,’ which Phasma thankfully seemed to understand.

“Alright. I’ll stay here.”

“What?”

She rolled her eyes and jabbed a thumb at her chest before pointing at the floor.

Hux nodded once and walked away. Occasionally he would see a couple with their hands roaming a little too low and he would stop to tell them that hands were to be kept above the waist at all times. A few of them glared, but most eyed the floor, embarrassed about being caught. Some of them might have called him something obscene, but the music was too loud to hear. No point in stopping them. They would just say that he was wrong and they had said something different.

He was in the middle of separating another couple, adding a sarcastic ‘save room for Jesus’ as he did, when a thought occurred to him. Things were going far, far too smoothly. Normally by this point someone would have spiked the punch, started a fight or attempted a stage dive. It might have been because the usual suspects’ behaviour had gotten them blacklisted from the dance, or perhaps the students had finally learned the error of their ways.

Hux snorted. As if. Still, he could not help but think something was off. He spotted Kylo Ren by the door. Ren was not a teacher, he was a TA. One with an awful temper and behavior issues. The students loved him because he was ‘real’ and ‘with it.’ As far as Hux was concerned he appeared the exact opposite. Long black hair, black nails, piercings, tattoos, outlandish studded bracelets and a penchant for wearing black made Ren a sorry sight if Hux ever saw one. He was very popular with the girls though. Hux frequently overheard them whispering that a person would have to be insane not to want to ‘get with’ the lanky TA. Hux’s opinion ran once again to the contrary. A sane person would stay as far from Ren as they could. He knew the only reason Ren had a job was because he was related to Superintendent Snoke somehow, and he was fairly sure he was fired from the last school he worked at because he tried to strangle a student for calling him ‘emo.’

To his credit though, Ren was actually doing something useful today, volunteering to help chaperone the dance. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed, silently judging everyone. Hux motioned for him to join him at the exit. Ren rolled his eyes but complied. The music was marginally quieter there. Hux called above the noise, “Have you seen Dameron?”

“Who?”

“Poe. Poe Dameron, have you seen him?”

“About twenty minutes ago. I think he left.”

Hux checked his watch. It was only a little past ten o’clock. As if Poe Dameron, star quarterback and semi-professional smartass would ever go home this early. Hux had a decent idea as to where he was too. He called to Ren, “I’m going outside. Don’t break anything.”

“That was one time Hux! One time!”

Hux sighed and stepped outside into the cool night air. He could hear the bassline ringing through the doors behind him, but he could also hear crickets and smell the crisp autumn air. He pulled a flashlight from his pocket and headed towards the football field. American football. Hux hated that he had to clarify that whenever he talked about sports. With his accent everyone was always asking which football he meant, as if he did not have the good sense to say soccer around Americans. Hux sighed. He did not even like soccer that much, preferring rugby. It was a shame nobody else seemed to follow Six Nations. He was disappointed when it turned out Phasma, who was also from the UK was not as big a fan as he was.

He walked across the pitch, grass crunching under his feet. He could hear whispers and movement. Not close by though, and the closer he got, the quieter it tried to become. Hux looked about. If he had to guess.

He approached the bleachers and thumbed on the light, “Alright Dameron, come out.”

Hux spotted a telltale pair of dark eyes and a mess of black curls illuminated by his mag-light. He scowled as Poe sighed, keeping the light on him as he squeezed out from under the bleachers. Hux flicked his eyes back towards the darkness under the stands, “You too. Whoever’s under there with you this time.”

“This time?” came a confused and slightly affronted voice from the dark.

Poe’s eyes went wide before he turned around flashing that signature cocky grin, “He doesn’t mean it that way babe. I sometimes come here with friends. Buddies. Teammates. Come on Huxy, that’s what you meant, right man?”

“We aren’t friends. Don’t call me Huxy,” replied the Principal flatly.

Poe had crawled out from under the stands and offered his hand to the student wriggling his way out behind him. Hux sighed when he recognized him. Finn Vanen, a good student. Decent grades, halfback for the boys’ soccer team, volunteered with an animal shelter, generally stayed out of trouble. Dameron must have talked him into coming out here. It was the only explanation Hux could think of.

“I’m very disappointed in you Mister Vanen,” said Hux firmly, looking contemptuously at their grass-stained and rumpled clothing, “You ought to have known better. Now what do you think we should do about this, hm?”

“Give us medals for bravery?” suggested Poe.

“I ought to be calling your parents. That’s what I should be doing,” said Hux.

Finn blanched, staring up at Hux with abject horror. Poe, seeing this, pulled Finn behind him, “Look, Principal Hux, he didn’t want to, I pressured him. Finn shouldn’t get into trouble for this.”

“Regardless of your bad influence, he’s still capable of using his own judgement and making his own decisions, isn’t that right?” said Hux, looking at Finn sternly, “When attending school socials you are to remain within the building. The fields are out of bounds. You know this, correct?”

“Hey man, you don’t need to grill him like that,” said Poe. He was becoming agitated, defensive. This fling of his must have been serious.

Hux held up a finger on level with Poe’s lips and kept his eyes on Finn. He allowed his gaze to soften, but only slightly, “You know what you did was wrong?”

“Yes sir,” said Finn quietly.

“Good. Get back inside. Mister Vanen since this is a first infraction for you, and highly uncharacteristic, I’m going to be lenient. Next time this happens, I’m calling your parents,” said Hux. He shone the light back on Poe, “And if you agree to behave yourself, you can join him.”

“Th-thank you sir,” said Finn, relief visibly washing over him. Poe continued to glare.

“Well, go on,” said Hux, jerking his head towards the school, “And put your jackets on. You’ll both catch cold out here.”

Finn whispered a hushed, ‘come on’ to Poe and took him by the hand. Hux let them walk ahead of him, more like a pair of criminals than young lovers, easily able the shine the light over their heads to see ahead of them. He sighed, listening to the grass and crickets.

“It’s not that big a deal Principal Hux,” protested Poe, “You don’t have to be such a buzzkill.”

Hux rolled his eyes as Finn urgently whispered to Poe, “What are you doing man!? The Red Death’s letting us off!”

“I beg your pardon?” demanded Hux.

Finn actually squeaked. An odd sound to come from a teenage boy. Poe turned back and grinned, “It’s what they call you. Red Death. Like the medieval plague.”

“That’s the Black Death,” corrected Hux, “The Masque of the Red Death however is a reference to a story by Edward Allen Poe. Surprised you don’t know that considering you share his name.”

“They also call you Lucky Charms,” said Poe cheerfully, facing front again.

“I’m Welsh,” said Hux dryly.

“And Groundskeeper Willie,” added Poe.

“He’s Scottish. At least you’re on the right island now.”

“And Ron Weasley.”

“Closer.”

“Poe…come on man, lay off,” whispered Finn insistently.  

“Don’t worry babe, Huxy and me are tight,” said Poe, “He knows I’m just playing.”

“Don’t call me Huxy, I’m not your friend,” repeated Hux.

“I could be your friend,” said Poe charmingly, “I could even call you by your first name, if your programmer even gave you one.”

“Poe!” Finn hissed.

Hux rolled his eyes again. It was harmless, childish banter and nobody was around to hear it. It was not as if Dameron was disrespecting him in front of a crowd of students. Hux was also determined not to give Poe the attention he wanted. He would not lose his temper. He would escort the pair of them back into the dance. He would monitor the students until midnight, then wait until their parents or guardians arrived to bring them all home safely. He would help clean up the gym. He would return home by three in the morning at the absolute latest.

“Very amusing Mr. Dameron. Perhaps you could put your talents to more suitable use at the drama club’s open mic nights. I’m sure you’d have us all in stitches,” said Hux evenly, reaching past the boys to open the door for them. The music blared loud again as Hux repeated, “Promise to behave?”

“I promise, sir,” said Finn, slipping past him.

Hux stared down at Poe expectantly, “Well?”

“You heard the man,” said Poe.

“Yes, and now I want to hear it from you,” said Hux, “Do you promise to behave?”

“Oh my god! Is Snapp reaching up Jessika’s skirt!?” gasped Poe, clamping a hand over his mouth.

Hux looked up and scanned over the dance floor, expecting to catch Wexley in the act. Poe rushed under his arm, “Later Huxy!”

Hux groaned and shut the door behind himself. He ought to have seen that one coming. Pava hardly ever wore skirts and to his knowledge she was only an acquaintance of Wexley’s. He shook his head and went back to patrolling the room, keeping couples at their proper distance, occasionally testing the punch to make sure it remained free of alcohol or any other mind altering substances.

The song changed, ‘Gangnam Style.’ It was met by half a chorus of cheers and half a chorus of groans. Hux opted for neither since he hardly wished to find himself similar to any of the occupants of this cramped and sweaty gym, but the corners of his mouth did twist down in distaste. Now he would have to make sure nobody was grinding against their friend’s ass while pretending to be a cowboy. This was only the second dance that he had chaperoned in his brief time here, but he was already far too aware of what he needed to be vigilant for.

It was a difficult image to forget.

He began to walk around the room again, lurking like a red-headed vulture in a blue cardigan. He might need to take it off. It was getting far too warm for layers in the gym.

“Sons of First Order High I am Poe Dameron!”

Hux snapped around and saw Poe bloody Dameron standing on the stage, the DJ behind him pocketing what appeared to be twenty dollars. Students were already laughing. Hux, now at the back of the gym, began furiously working his way to the front in as quick and orderly a fashion as he could.

Poe approached the whiteboard. The one where the rules had been clearly written out. The one where Hux himself had painstakingly written out the rules in clear, legible letters. He held an eraser aloft, affecting the worst Scottish accent Hux had ever heard in his life, “I see a whole army of my fellow students rocking out in defiance of the man!”

The students let out a cheer. Hux tried to find a way around them. Bagpipe music began thundering from the speakers.

“We party as free men, for free men we are!” cried Poe, “What would you be willing to trade for one chance, just one chance, to tell our enemies that they may give us detention-”

“Poe Dameron you will cease and desist immediately!” shouted Hux, stomping up the steps to the stage, “You put that microphone and brush down this instant!”

Poe leaned in, the brush hovering over the letters. Hux growled warningly, “Poe…I’m counting to three. One…”

“But they will never rag on!”

“Two!”

“My!”

“Poe Dameron don’t you dare!”

“Gummybear!”

Poe swiped the brush over the white board. The students cheered. Hux, flushing as red as his hair, crossed the stage and snatched Poe by the back of the collar. Poe continued to shout into the mic, “I love you Finn Vanen! I love you!”

“Cut the mic!” Hux snapped at the DJ as he passed. This was one company he would not be booking with again.

As he was dragged off the stage and out of the gym, Poe let out a triumphant cry, “FREEDOM!!!!!!”


	2. La Chancla

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly thought that La Chancla was something that tumblr made up. Then I talked with a Latina friend about it. Turns out I was very, very wrong. It is, in fact, a thing. I'm not sure if La Chancla or my dad throwing my cat at me to get me up in the morning is worse. Going with the cat for now. 
> 
> Also, if someone wants to correct the shit out of my Spanish, please do. I haven't taken a class since high school, but I don't want to give up on learning the language and I'm kind of a language nerd. So if something seems off, tell me! Though if Hux sounds inauthentic, it's kind of what I was going for. Like TFA-Hux who only has simulation experience, this AU's Hux studied languages at school and at home, but he hasn't travelled much, so he hasn't had much practice. He mostly just sits on his couch with a tape recorder and headphones repeating phrases :P 
> 
> Thanks again to Countofeight for her lovely beta work. To give her a break I'll be updating every other week, so look forward to a new chapter in a couple weeks :D

Hux glared across his desk at Poe Dameron, who sat draped over the chair like it was a throne and he was Charles the bloody Second, grinning like a cat that had just eaten a canary. Continuing to glare silently, Hux held the phone receiver to his ear, drumming his fingers on the desk as he listened to the ringing. Dameron’s file was open in front of him. Every time he wanted to punish the boy, suspend him or get him kicked off the football team - something significant enough to actually make him see the error of his ways - Phasma always stopped him. Poe was the best Quarterback in the county and with him First Order High actually stood a chance of going to State for the first time in years. Accomplishing that might just bring a little prestige back to the once proud school.

And damn if Dameron was not aware of it.

Hux hung up the phone. It had gone to voicemail again. He looked over the other phone numbers listed as contacts in Poe’s file. Obviously nobody was at his home. There were two business numbers listed and a couple of out-of-date cell phones. He would try them all if necessary.

“Why you gotta hate Principal Hux. Nobody got hurt. It was just a bit of fun,” said Poe, “You’ve at least heard of fun, haven’t you? I mean, you gotta loosen up sometime.”

Hux ignored him and began dialing the number for Poe’s father’s place of business. Poe noticed which number he dialed and grinned wider. Two rings, someone picked up, “ _Hola_ …eh…Hello, Dew Drop Inn?”

Hola. A thick accent. Hux continued his glare, unphased and replied, _“Soy director de escuela Hux. ¿Es Señor Dameron disponibles?”_

Poe’s grinning faltered and his eyes widened slightly, surprised by what he was hearing, evidently.

Hux listened to the voice on the phone, “ _No, no es aqui_.”

 _“¿Tiene un teléfono celular?”_ asked Hux.

_“Ah, si, su numero es…”_

Hux jotted down the numbers, repeating them softly as he did, _“Nueve…Cero. Gracias. Buenas noches.”_

“I didn’t know you could speak Spanish,” said Poe, “I mean it kinda sounded a bit like you were reading out of a textbook, but your accent actually isn’t-”

“Yes well there are an awful lot of things you don’t seem to know Poe Dameron,” snapped Hux, slamming down the receiver.

Poe watched him carefully, but kept grinning, leaning back in the chair, “It’s not that big a deal.,” he repeated, “Nobody got hurt.”

“Mister Dameron we have rules for a reason,” said Hux evenly, recovering from his slight outburst, “Do you know how difficult it is to make people follow them when you put on displays of defiance like that?”

“It’s just a prank,” said Poe with a shrug.

“And the bleachers, that was a bit of harmless fun as well I suppose?”

Poe sniggered, “Come on, it’s not like one of us could have gotten pregnant.”

“What if there was broken glass? Used needles? You wouldn’t have seen them in the dark. What if one of you had gotten hurt?” said Hux intently.

Poe’s smile threatened to slip and only practice kept it plastered perfectly across his features. He had not thought of that. Sometimes druggies hung out back there, and he would not be surprised if people snuck out there to drink either. In retrospect, it was not implausible that he could have accidently stepped on or sat on a needle, or worse, let Finn lie back on one.

Poe could not let Hux know that though and kept up his poker face, “As if you would ever allow any of those in your fine establishment, since you take your job so seriously.”  

When Hux did not react to that Poe continued to tease, “Bet you’re just jealous because you haven’t gotten any in ages. You’re a good looking guy Principal Hux, loosen up a little and the ladies will be all over you.”

Hux’s fingers stopped drumming on the table as he clenched his fist. Oh, that must have struck a nerve. Poe tested this, “Or dudes? Bet you’d be popular with dudes too. You’d be real pretty if you let your hair down.”

Poe grinned as Hux stared him down, “Mister Dameron, I don’t care about your escapades. How often and who you choose to become intimate with-”

Poe snorted _. ‘Become intimate._ ’ Hux really was a robot.

“-is your choice. I don’t care if it’s a man, a woman, a vicious man-eating abomination or nobody at all. So long as it’s safe and legal, do whatever you want. Just don’t do it _here._ ”

Poe shrugged. Hux was surprisingly cool about him being with Finn. The last principal would have had a thing or two to say about the quarterback dating another boy. Not that he would tell Hux that.

Poe looked around the office. It was plain, no fancy paintings or degrees or anything, not even family photos. The only thing marginally decorative was a mug with a football on it. So Hux was a football fan? Who would have guessed?

“You sound a bit like Kylo when you talk like that,” noted Poe.

Hux glowered. Too far. He tried to recover, “I mean, you’re pretty open-minded, for a robot.”

Hux picked up the receiver and began to dial again, “What happened to your car anyways, Dameron?”

“My licence got suspended. Parking violation. It was complete bullshit, man,” sighed Poe.

Hux let out an affirmative grunt. Poe heard someone pick up on the other end, “Hello?”

“Hello, Mr. Dameron? This is Principal Hux. I have your son in the office with me.”

Poe was surprised Hux did not seem to be enjoying this more. He was expecting the principal to gloat like a bond villain, stroking a Persian cat in his lap. Poe could hear his dad’s voice clearly. He was a loud guy. Hux held the phone a little bit away from his ear to keep from blowing his eardrum out.

“Poe? Is he in some kind of trouble?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact he is,” said Hux, “He was rabble-rousing the students, spouting rebellious rhetoric, and that was _after_ he had snuck out of the school with another student.”

“Hey man, chill,” said Poe’s father, causing Poe to grin. Hux tried not to falter but Poe could tell it was a losing battle. His dad was the chillest person on the planet. Principal Hux did not stand a chance. “Was he with a girl? Didn’t get her pregnant did he?”

Hux considered Poe for a moment, then put his hand gently over the mouthpiece and whispered, “Is he aware of your preferences?”

Poe was surprised Hux had the forethought and, damn, the basic human decency to ask so he would not accidently out him to his parents if they were homophobes. Which they weren’t. Could not have been farther from it. He nodded, casually waving his hand and Hux continued his conversation, “No, he was with a boy. A very good student who I fear he will have a terrible influence on if-”

“Guys! Poe totally scored!”

Hux flinched away from the phone as Poe’s father shouted and no fewer than three other men cheered and shouted their congratulations. Poe beamed with pride. His dad was the best.

“Yes, well, he did it on grounds that were off limits, during a school function which is actually a very serious-”

“Chill man, chill…” interrupted Poe’s father, “Nobody got hurt. Why you gotta bring the vibe down, bro?”

Poe nearly burst out laughing. Hux furrowed his brow. He looked over at Poe, swivelled his chair around and whispered in a low voice, “Mr Dameron…are you high?”

“What? No. Noo. _Noooooooooo._ Whaaaat? _Nooooooooooooo.”_

Hux waited. Poe waited. The plain white clock on the wall ticked idly.

“Okay, maybe just a _little_ high.”

Hux swivelled back around as Poe laughed into the sleeve of his jacket to stifle himself. Hux continued, somehow still barely managing to keep a straight face, “Yes, well, he needs someone to come get him right away. Is Mrs. Dameron available?”

“Oh, yeah, she’s not joining because we thought someone might need to go out for munchies later. Guess it was a good move, right Huxy?”

“It’s just Hux, actually,” corrected the principal, “Please have her come as soon as she is able.”

“Cool, cool, she’ll be there in twenty. Hey, Irish, can you tell Poe I’m proud of him? And also to pick up some Doritos.”

“I’m Welsh, and no. Goodnight,” said Hux sharply, hanging up the receiver. He stared at Poe, nearly exasperated, “You mother will be here in twenty minutes. You will wait here with me until she arrives.”

Poe was still repressing giggles. Hux staring at him like that just made it worse. It was torture trying not to laugh. Of all the people for Hux to try to be angry at, his father was probably the worst. Principal Hux had no chill, his dad had all the chill, and putting them together, even just over the phone was comedy gold. Poe dried to imagine his dad next to Hux, throwing an arm casually around his shoulders, Hux grimacing at his wrinkled cardigan. It was priceless.

“Well I’m glad one of us is enjoying himself,” said Hux.

“Hey man, you could enjoy yourself too. I know lots of people, I could probably hook you up, just say the word,” offered Poe.

“No thank you,” said Hux. His glare was back.

“Come on, there’s got to be somebody. Pretty girl, cute boyfriend, big old secret crush back in Scotla-”

“Wales.”

“Oh, you’re into whales. Green Peace? I dig,” said Poe.

“No, I grew up in Wales. The country. And I went to school in England. I’ve never set foot in Scotland in my life. I understand United Kingdom geography and terminology is confusing, but please have the decency to know the difference between Wales and whales.”

“I’m pulling your leg Principal Hux,” chided Poe, “But seriously, if you don’t cool off you’re gonna explode.”

“And I suppose ‘hooking up’ is supposed to keep me from exploding, hm?” asked Hux dryly, “You know, virginity isn’t the terminal disease you all seem to think it is.”

So Principal Hux had never... Poe considered bringing it up, but refrained. Hux had been nice enough not to be a dick about him dating Finn, so he at least deserved some courtesy. Still, damn if that last sentence was not a spiteful anthem for lonely virgins everywhere.

“Hey man, everyone does it.”

“No they don’t,” said Hux, writing something down on a notepad, “I suppose you’ve never heard of asexuality before.”

“What, like, plants?” replied Poe, thinking back to biology class.

“No, like, people,” said Hux, subtly mocking him, “Some people are not interested in sex. It’s fully possible that a person might not be inclined to want sex, and don’t enjoy it when other people tell them they _should_ want it.”

“What? No. Look, I know lots of people, if this was a thing, I would have heard of it by now,” protested Poe. He grinned, “You made that up just now didn’t you?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Fine, name one person.”

“Me.”

Hux stared him down. He was serious. Poe still was not sure if it was real, but damn if Hux did not _believe_ it was real. Poe tried to recover, “Come on, you just haven’t met someone who’s good for you yet. Maybe if you got with Kylo, he could-”

“Beyond a professional capacity I have no interest in Mr. Ren,” said Hux through gritted teeth.

Poe’s eyes widened, “What? No way! All the girls are nuts about him. And even if you don’t like dudes, that guy is seriously…” his hands fluttered in a surprisingly vivid illustration of the ‘shredded’ physique the TA was rumoured to possess, “… _damn_.”  

“Damnable perhaps…” countered Hux, his lip curling in disgust.

Poe’s jaw dropped, “Oh my god you’re a plant person!”

“Mr. Dameron.”

“Rey owes me five bucks!”

“Mr. Dameron!”

Poe looked at Hux. He was red-faced again, but not with anger. Poe realized he had crossed a line, and while Poe Dameron might flirt with the line, he never crossed it. Not intentionally anyways, and definitely not with people who didn’t deserve it. Principal Hux was kind of a buzzkill, but he did not seem like that bad of a person. Poe figured he’d have to make it up to the principal later. Not in front of anyone else of course, but he’d have to remind himself to send him some sort of peace offering. Just to show he had meant nothing by the comment.

Hux sighed, “Your mother will be here any minute. Get your things ready, we’re moving outside.”

“No problem Principal Hux. I’d never let a pretty man like you wait all alone in the dark. Mama raised me to be a gentleman,” said Poe, flashing a thumbs up and a wink.

“Did she now…” glowered Hux.              

***

 

Hux watched as Mrs. Dameron stepped out of her car. Poe ran up to her, ready to give her a hug, at least until she pulled  some sort of slipper - flip-flop? - sandal off of her foot and began yelling angrily in Spanish. It was too quick for Hux to catch, and full of words that the home-study course he had used to learn wouldn't have taught him anyways. He was, however, fairly sure he had caught the words for ‘fifth’ and ‘year’ and ‘furious.’ Poe said something back equally rapidly, but not so quickly that Mrs. Dameron did not have a chance to give him a couple slaps on the backside with the slipper. There was something distinctly satisfying about seeing Poe Dameron finally get what was coming to him.

She looked at Hux, exasperated, “I am so sorry he keeps getting into trouble Mr. Hux, I promise this is the absolute last time.”

“It’s hardly your fault ma’am,” said Hux, knowing all too well that the ‘last time’ would likely be the day the boy graduated. If he was lucky, “Drive safely.”

“ _Hables Español,”_ remarked Poe casually, smiling and jerking his head towards Hux.

 _“¿Si verdad?”_ she said questioningly, looking over Hux before blanching slightly.

 _“Si, es verdad,”_ replied Hux, cocking his brow.

Mrs. Dameron flushed and gave Poe another slap with the sandal, whispering something indecipherable in Spanish as Poe laughed loudly. Poe said something back in quick, no doubt slang-filled Spanish. His mother rolled her eyes, conceding and Poe pulled out his phone, sending a quick text message. In less than a minute, Finn Vanen came tearing out of the school and across the parking lot.

“Hello Finn, honey, I’m so sorry Poe got you in trouble,” said Mrs. Dameron, managing to give Finn a hug before Poe could, who looked on with impatience, “Did you enjoy the dance at all?”

“It was great. I had a really good time,” said Finn, looking over at Poe. He must have spotted Hux out of the corner of his eye and turned, stammering, “P-Principal Hux. I’m really sorry about-”

“Good night Mr. Vanen. I hope you’ll ring your parents and let them know where you’re going,” said Hux.

“I will,” said Finn.

Mrs. Dameron got in the car and Finn climbed into the back seat. Poe lingered in the open car door. He pointed warningly at Hux, “Don’t rag on my Gummybear.”

“Good night Mr. Dameron,” said Hux through his teeth.

Poe grinned and got in the car. As they drove off, Hux spied Poe, flipping him the bird as Finn looked on, horrified. Hux sighed. At least that was one potential headache he would not have to worry about for the remainder of the evening. He checked his watch. Nearly ten-thirty. Just a few more hours of this madness and he could go home, put on some pyjamas and curl up in bed with his cat‐-

Then he heard a crash. It was followed by a scream.

Hux sighed. Or not.


	3. Blackout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey does nothing wrong! Kylo has a blackout! Hux craves delicious Welsh food! Zounds! How will our heroes get out of this one!? 
> 
> Thanks as always to Countofeight for the beta. Let's go hunt for boxes sometime!

It began when the tracks would not turn over.

When the music abruptly stopped, it was nearly impossible not to notice. All the dancing and chatter immediately died off as well as everyone froze, then turned to the stage, looking expectantly at the DJ. He told them it was just some technical thing and it would be back up and running soon. The students gathered into their cliques, or up against the wall with their fellow nonconformists and waited for the machine to be fixed. After ten minutes the gym was filled with chattering. With each second that passed, the DJ looked more and more concerned. Finally he started looking around at the faces of teachers and parent volunteers.

For whatever reason he settled on Kylo Ren. Kylo rolled his eyes and walked up to the stage. It was probably the tattoos. Everyone took one look at them and assumed he was some sort of punk and musical equipment buff. He just liked tattoos. And just because he liked music did not mean he knew the first thing about sound systems. Hell, he still used a vintage turntable and stuck to vinyl.

“It just stopped working,” said the DJ, as Kylo joined him on the stage.

Kylo sighed. His dad, before he had been sent off to his uncle’s lame boarding school, had owned a repair shop. A dump of a place that he had the gall to tack ‘and Son’s’ onto the name of without bothering to ask Kylo if he wanted to spend the rest of his life in the dismal little shop fixing toasters and VCRs. His father had opened it after he had retired from trucking, said it was so he could be home more often. Not that it ever made much difference. Still, Kylo had been forced to hang around in the shop often enough that he knew his way around most machines. He looked over the sound board. It was on, that was a start. He opened up the CD playing part. It looked okay. All the bits and pieces were where they were supposed to be. Kylo closed it and looked at the board. It seemed to be reading the disk all right, but there was no sound coming from the speakers. Maybe someone kicked a wire.

Getting down on his hands and knees he looked at all the wires. They seemed to be plugged into the right spots. But of course the DJ wouldn’t have been able to play music at all before if everything was hooked up wrong. He checked the wires that were connected to the speakers. They looked okay. Kylo pulled them out and plugged them back, in just in case.

“I can help!”

Kylo grimaced. It was her. Star shop student. Captain of the girls’ lacrosse team, Rey freaking Ciel-Marsh. Coming to save the day and be everyone’s hero again. Little miss perfect, a genius at everything she laid her stupid little hands on.

Kylo tried to remind himself that Rey was a minor, and a student supposedly in his care, but he could not help it. He hated her. He hated her weird hair and her weird name and her weird art techniques that were certainly not what he had taught her in class but had won her tons of award and recognition anyways. Rey did not even like art! She was always under a car adjusting something or wiring something together. She could have been good at art, really, really good, but she never listened. She just did what she wanted and everyone liked it. Principal Hux even offered to have her last painting hung in the front hallway!

Rey climbed up onto the stage and took a look at the sound board, furrowing her brow. After poking around it, twisting knobs, flipping switches, she looked at the DJ, “I need to open it up. Is that okay?”

“Sure,” he replied.

“No, no, you’re a student. You should leave this to the grownups,” snapped Kylo, “Go wait with your friends.”

“I can fix this,” insisted Rey, “I think one of the wires might have worn out. It’ll be a quick fix, but if I can reconnect it we should at least be good for-”

“Then one of us, the teachers, will reconnect it. You go wait with your friends,” repeated Kylo. God, what would Hux say? Oh, right, “If you get hurt fixing it, we’re liable.”

“I won’t get hurt, I do this all the time,” said Rey, furrowing her brow.

“Right, whatever, just go,” said Kylo, waving her away.

“You don’t even know which wire it is,” accused Rey.

Kylo crossed his arms and looked down at her, “Do so.”

“Alright, which one is it?”

Kylo looked down. Damn. He had no idea. Play it cool, “The sound…wire…one…”

Rey looked at him blankly. She was judging him. How dare she judge him!? Kylo was beginning to lose his temper. He tried to remember his breathing exercises, his Zen place, his meditation, but it all flew out the window as he snapped at Rey, “Fine, you show me Miss Perfect! Show me the wire so we can all be in awe of Perfect Princess Rey!”

“I just want to get the music back on,” said Rey evenly.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” said Kylo.

Rey unplugged the sound board before opening it up. She fiddled with a few wires before closing it right back up again. She looked down at her work, “That should do it.”

“You probably broke it…” muttered Kylo.

“I didn’t. I’m only trying to help, you don’t have to be rude to me,” said Rey. So Miss Perfect could lose her cool after all.

“You might be good, but you’re a student, you have no idea what you’re doing,” snapped Kylo.

“I do know what I’m doing. I fix things at Solo and Son’s all the time.”

Kylo had many trigger words. He had blacklisted them all on tumblr and had even given Hux a list when he demanded it. Right at the top of the goddamned list was the name ‘Solo.’ Specifically when it referred to a certain man who owned a certain shop with a certain hairy foreigner. He felt his anger levels rising.

“Mr. Solo knows good work when he sees it.”

Rising.

“He lets me work with him on commission now.”

Rising.

“And he says he’ll give me a job when I graduate.”

Too high.

Kylo was not entirely sure what happened after that. He never was when he blacked out and went on a rampage. He would remember flashes, like now. He recalled someone screaming. Lifting a speaker. Somehow getting a hold of a crowbar. That monster of a woman Phasma trying to restrain him. Being led out to the parking lot. Then all of a sudden he would regain control of his senses, like waking up from a dream and having no idea what it was exactly he had done.

All he did know was Hux was screaming at him, posh accent slipping into something decidedly more Celtic and shaking him by the collar.

“You destroyed an entire sound system! How do you destroy an entire sound system!? With a crowbar no less! I didn’t even know we _had_ a crowbar!”

“I don’t know but could you stop yelling at me!? You’re stressing me out!”

“I stress you- I stress you out!?” yowled Hux, “I just had to call multiple parents to apologize, contact our insurance, I’m still bloody negotiating with the company that lent us the equipment you destroyed!”

“I’m sorry okay! I have a condition and sometimes I black out!” snapped Kylo.

“Yes, well, I’m either going to fire or transfer you and your condition because neither of you are staying at this school!” Hux shot back.

“You can’t do that!” yelled Kylo, slamming his hand against the wall- metal wall?- _car_ behind Hux, shoving the slighter man onto the hood, “The Superintendent said I’m guaranteed this position for at least a year!”

“Well than the year can’t end soon enough!” snapped Hux.

Kylo was angry, and coming down from his blackout. His thoughts were a whirl, but he tried to collect them as best he could. Rey. Stupid Rey. Stupid Solo. Somehow parking lot. Hux laying back on the hood of a car. Hux with a weird accent. Kind of a hot accent. Looking pretty sexy too…No, no, now was not the time to get a goddamned boner! Kylo got his thoughts under control. He thought of Bea Arthur. Bea Arthur in the Star Wars Holiday Special. No way was he going to get a boner from thoughts of Bea Arthur owning a Space Bar.

Kylo sighed, his anger dissipating slightly. It was replaced by embarrassment. He pulled Hux off of the car by his shoulders and started to dust him off, “I understand my anger may have been very sudden and alarming-”

“Don’t give me that anger management class tripe,” said Hux, recovering his fancy Spicegirl accent and swatting Kylo’s hands away.

Kylo looked down at his red sneakers, “About how much in damages do I owe…?”

“At least a thousand.”

“And who do I need to apologize to on Monday?”

“The entire student body, the parent chaperones, DJ whatever his name was, and the faculty. Especially poor Phasma who somehow managed to drag you out here. And Rey. My god Ren, how could you lose your temper with a student who was only trying to help you?”

“She used my trigger word,” said Kylo, kicking at the ground.

Hux covered his face and sighed. Kylo looked around. Hux had been lying on his car, and he could see Hux’s prissy little Prius parked in his usual spot. They were the only ones left. Kylo took his phone out of his pocket. It was almost midnight. Hux must have stayed with him until he had come down from his fit.

“Hux, I’m really, really sorry,” said Kylo.

“Can you get home by yourself?” asked Hux tiredly.

“Yeah…” said Kylo.

“Goodnight then,” said Hux curtly.

Kylo watched him walk to his car, cold, tired, angry. He did not want Hux to go away angry with him. If he could keep just one person at school from being angry with him…

“Hux, wait,” called Kylo.

The principal stopped and turned, glowering at him with dark, tired eyes.

“There’s this bar a little ways out. The kitchen’s open all night. At least until four or five. Let me buy you dinner,” insisted Kylo.

“Kylo, it’s almost midnight,” groaned Hux.

“You’ll like it. They have fish and chips,” said Kylo.

Hux’s eyes narrowed, “Look, just because I’m from the UK doesn’t mean I love going down to pub and gorging myself on fish and chips.”

Kylo twiddled his fingers together, “I know not all the time, but it’s been a long night and you’re stressed out, and when I’m stressed I like greasy food that reminds me of something happy.”

Hux slowly brought his hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I would give my right leg for some lamb cawl…”

“Cawl?” asked Kylo.

“It’s a kind of soup,” explained Hux, “Bacon, potatoes, lamb, leeks, oh what does it matter.”

“They usually have stew,” said Kylo quietly, “That’s like koll-”

“Cawl.”

“That’s like cawl, right?”

Hux sighed. There was no salvaging the evening. There was a chance that not even his beloved cat could make it bearable. But while he was not starving, a meal sounded nice. Pub fare also sounded a lot better than stopping at a drive-through. It had been a long night. Fuck it, Hux wanted a beer. A nice cold pint of nutty amber ale with just the right amount of foam…

“Fine, lead the way. Are you sure you can drive after coming off of your blackout?” asked Hux.

“Oh, yeah, I pretty much go right back to normal as soon as it’s over,” said Ren.

“How wonderful for you,” Hux muttered to himself before calling back to Ren, “Alright, I suppose I’m following you then?”

“Well I can’t exactly telepathically tell you where it is,” said Ren with a smile, fishing his keys out of his pocket. There was a cartoonish Darth Vader on his keychain. How childish. “I mean come on Hux, I’m not a Jedi.”

Hux had never seen Star Wars, so the reference was mostly lost on him. He stepped inside his car and watched Ren get into his from the rear-view mirror. Ren’s car looked about as reliable as the man himself. Hux could picture the wretched thing breaking down on the side of the road. If it happened he would call a tow for Ren and then call it a night. Enough had certainly gone wrong today already, and they were only two minutes in.


	4. The Outer Rim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gratuitous Welsh swearing ahoy! Kylo shamelessly flirts and Hux is mostly oblivious. Copious amounts of beer is consumed as well. 
> 
> Also, I've known people like Hux's Dad in this AU. I have been called some very interesting names in the past by old people, let me tell you... 
> 
> Thanks to Countofeight for the awesome beta work. Friday is a 'go' my boon companion!

The Outer Rim turned out to be more of a truck stop than a pub.

 _It does explain why the kitchen is open all night_ , Hux thought to himself, looking around. The interior was rustic, wooden walls peeking through the numerous road signs that decorated the hall. Hux had no idea what was so special about route sixty six but he was seeing signs for it everywhere. A few arcade cabinets were stowed in a corner, making jarring mechanical noises that clashed with the country western music. Hux was surprised arcade cabinets still existed, let alone worked. He had not seen one for years.

As it was late there were only two other patrons in the bar, probably whoever had been driving that large sixteen-wheeler Ren had parked beside. They were large, heavy-set men with arms as thick as Hux’s thighs. They gave him a look and Hux became aware of how out of place he must have looked. He was used to it. He nodded at the two before looking away.

Ren passed him the menu the bartender had passed to him, “See anything you like?”

Hux glanced over it. He noticed it was mostly fried food, which he tended to stay away from if he could help it. Strangely enough he found himself craving something sinfully greasy and awful for him. He scanned the menu, decided he would give in to the stereotype at long last with the fish and chips. His main priority was a decent pint anyhow. He perused the list of drinks more thoroughly. His brow cocked with interest. It was remarkably extensive, especially for a truck stop.

“Anything for you boys?” asked the waitress. She looked tired, but managed to give a cheerful greeting.

“I’ll have the four ounce cheeseburger with a Coors,” said Ren.

“Do you want mashed potatoes or fries on the side?”

“Fries, please?”

“Alright, anything with that? Ketchup? Gravy?”

“Just ketchup’s fine, thanks.”

“And how about you, Red?”

Why did people always think they could address him by his hair colour? Hux sighed, “Fish and chips please, no coleslaw, and a Killian Red if you don’t mind.”

“I’m going to have to see your ID sweetie,” said the waitress, pointing to a sign about servers having the right to ask for identification.

Hux pulled out his wallet and flashed his driver’s license. The waitress seemed impressed, “Looking good for thirty…care to share your secret?”

“Keeping up with hellions like this one forces me to stay young. The second I get too old to keep up, he’ll _murder_ me,” said Hux sarcastically, jabbing his thumb in Ren’s direction. The waitress snorted as Ren grimaced.

“I’ll be right back with your drinks,” she said, walking to the kitchen. Hux heard her ringing a bell and calling out the order loudly. A deep male voice in the kitchen repeated it back to her.

“Why didn’t she ask for your ID?” asked Hux.

“I come here a lot,” explained Kylo sheepishly, “I mean, I’ve been coming here for a long time. Most of them recognize me.”

Hux leaned on the bar. He nearly never put his elbows on the table, but tonight seemed reason enough to make an exception. He was so damned tired. Sighing he unbuttoned his collar and hooked a finger inside the shirt, loosening it a little. Ren watched him, until Hux caught him looking, then he started looking around the bar, “Yup, been coming here off and on for a few years. Place hasn’t changed much.”

The waitress dropped off their drinks before heading off to clean some glasses at the bar. Hux took a long drink, downing half of it before coming up for air. Kylo stared at him incredulously, “Uh..wow…you can really pound ‘em back…”

“You have no idea,” panted Hux as he took deep breaths of the smoky air. He felt better now. Refreshed and slightly calmer. He caught sight of Ren’s tattoos. He wished he would cover them with something, at least while he was at work. They were unprofessional. Still, he found himself drawn to their designs. All Middle Eastern and Asian from the looks of them.

“Like ‘em?” asked Kylo, catching Hux’s stare and pulling up his sleeve to allow for a better view, “I got them when I took a year off from college.”

To ‘find himself’ probably, Hux thought disdainfully, “Where was that? California?”

“India mostly.”

That was surprising. Looking at Kylo’s complexion, almost as pale as Hux’s own, he would never have guessed that the man had gone to a place where he would be exposed to so much sun. He pressed forward slightly, cocking his brow, “And what were you doing in India?”

The waitress brought their food and Hux thanked her. He bit into a steaming chip-- no fry-- no _chip_. It was so greasy he could have sucked the fluid from it like a vampire. It was disgusting. It was just what he had needed.

“I was doing this thing,” explained Kylo, “I took a course on Eastern religions in college and decided I would try to follow the route where Buddhism spread through the Far East. I hitchhiked most of the way from India to Japan. I’m actually really interested in eastern meditation.”

Hitchhiked? Across India? Following the spread of Buddhism? Hux blinked and nearly pinched himself to make sure he was not dreaming. Hair-trigger tempered, punkish Kylo Ren had travelled abroad to study eastern meditation? Kylo Ren meditated!? Hux took a sip of his drink before leaning into his palm and studying the man beside him.

“Um, this was my first one, I got it in India,” explained Kylo, pointing to a tattoo on his shoulder, “And this one’s from Bangladesh. I got this one in Myanmar…uh, I was a bit drunk when I did the sketch that I gave the artist who did it, and so it’s a bit weird.”

“So they’re souvenirs,” concluded Hux.

“Beats bumper stickers and fridge magnets,” huffed Kylo.

They were still unprofessional, but Hux had to admit that they were interesting now that he knew the history behind them. “So what did you do? Just wander around to different temples?”

“Pretty much,” shrugged Kylo, “I’d stay until I felt it was time to move on, or until my visa ran up. That’s what happened at this temple in Thailand. God, I could have stayed there forever…”

Hux could not believe what was happening. Kylo Ren was talking and Hux was genuinely interested in what he had to say. He listened quietly to Ren’s descriptions of monks, having to wake up at five in the morning, trying to learn advanced techniques without speaking a word of any language other than English, the struggle of having to become a vegetarian for a year, it was all fascinating. It was so fascinating that despite promising himself he would only have one beer, Hux ordered another so he would have an excuse to sit and listen.

“So, have you travelled much?” asked Kylo.

“Not as much as you have,” admitted Hux. Kylo looked at him expectantly and Hux sighed, “I was born in Leeds. My father…something happened, I still don’t quite know what. We moved to Wales when I was…one…two? Two seems right, they never gave me an exact date. Anyhow, I stayed there until my accent got too thick for father’s liking and he sent me to a boarding school in London when I was twelve. Went back to Cardiff when I graduated from Uni. Then when I turned twenty-seven I came here.”

Kylo looked at him with a surprising amount of concern, “You don’t know what happened?”

“He never talked about it. All I know is he referred to Wales as a place of exile and warned me not to get too attached, despite mother being Welsh…” said Hux. Feeling petty, vindictive and just a little drunk, he deepened his voice and shook his finger angrily at his empty plate of Fish and chips, “Lewis! You will stop with that infernal bleating immediately! No son of mine will go about speaking like that! Thank god, at least we’re not in Ireland! Goddamned Catholics! Bloody incense huffing terrorists, the lot of them! The lot of them!”

“Your name’s _Lewis_?” asked Kylo incredulously, kind enough to ignore the tirade or civil enough not to address it.

“ _Llewellyn_ ,” corrected Hux. He sniggered, “My mother insisted on a Welsh name. Not that my father would ever use it.”

“Hl…hloo…chloo…” Kylo stammered.

“ _Llewellyn_. The double L is pronounced with a bit of an H sound. Put your tongue on your teeth like you’re going to pronounce the letter L, huff like you’re making an H and finish the L sound,” instructed Hux.

“Huloo…Hulu…hloo…” Kylo continued.

Hux furrowed his brow, “Or just say it like a bloody L and call me Llewellyn.”

“Lou-Ellen,” said Kylo, nodding, “You have a…it’s a pretty name.”

Hux huffed. Pretty. Like a girl. Ren must not have been able to hold his liquor. Hux leaned on his palm again, “So you know my name. What sort of a name is Kylo? It certainly doesn’t sound like any language I’ve ever studied.”

“Oh, you know, parents name their kids all sorts of things these days…” Kylo said hurriedly, “What languages do you speak?”

So he was going to dodge the question. Hux shrugged. If Ren was not going to give it up immediately than Hux wasn’t going to pry. “English, Welsh, Irish, Scottish, Latin, French, Spanish, Greek, Italian and German. I’m teaching myself Mandarin at home.”

“Oh,” said Kylo, who seemed to have been expecting a shorter list, “Was it…hard?”

Hux grinned, “Having an eidetic memory helps. You only speak English then?”

“I can say hello and thank you in most eastern languages,” said Kylo, “But I know a few phrases in French.”

“Vous êtez compétant?” asked Hux.

Kylo stared at him blankly.

“Guess not…” said Hux, taking a drink.

“I can so speak French,” huffed Kylo.

“Right,” sniggered Hux, “Try one phrase.”

“Voulez vous-”

“That isn’t, ‘voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir,’” interrupted Hux irately.

Kylo looked about the room, making pathetic ‘um’s and ‘uh’s as he wracked his brain for a reply. Hux watched him with slightly sadistic amusement, taking a long drink as Kylo floundered. The TA, catching sight of a blob of melted cheese on his plate replied, “…fromage?”

Hux gave him a look of disappointment. Kylo grinned and decided to run with his discovery. He waved his hand over the plate ceremoniously and repeated, “Fromage…J’aime fromage…le fromage est…good.”

Hux snorted and began tracing a pattern in the grease on his plate. Kylo continued to grin like an idiot, “You’ve got to admit that was a bit sexy. Everything French is sexy.”

“I invite you to watch someone prepare foie gras and then say that,” said Hux.

“Well the language is sexy,” corrected Kylo. He kicked Hux’s foot under the bar, “Bet you can’t make Welsh sound sexy.”

“I’ve no desire to,” said Hux.

“I dare you,” said Kylo, “Come on, are you chicken?”

Hux rolled his eyes. He leaned onto his palm and looked Kylo in the face. He bit his lip slightly and spoke softly, “ _Uffar gwirion_ …”

Kylo looked down at Hux. Straight laced Principal Hux. Pain in the ass, by-the-book, always on his case Principal Hux. Face flushed, shirt collar open, leaning on his cheek, biting his lip, speaking a weird Elvish-sounding language, giving him bedroom eyes.

The sight and sound of it went straight to his dick.

“Heh, nice try Hux,” said Kylo quickly.

A look of annoyance flashed across Hux’s face briefly. He straightened slightly, moving to lean in closer, ghosting his fingers over Kylo’s knee. With that stupid cardigan and haircut he suddenly looked like some sort of sexy schoolboy pinup. He spoke in a low voice to Kylo, striking that perfect mix of suggestion and vulnerability, _“Ti’n llawn cachu…pen pidyn…”_

No. No, no, no. He was in too deep. He thought it might be funny to watch Hux fail at being sexy. Kylo never expected him to be good at it! Shit, Hux was hot. It might have been his fourth glass of beer talking, but he was starting to think about dragging Hux to the bathroom and…no, definitely not. Not in a truck stop bathroom. Dragging Hux to his car. Yes. Much better plan. The car had comfy seats, condoms and no shit stains.

“I don’t think I’m quite convinced,” said Kylo, trying his best to sound disinterested, “It really was a good try though.”

Hux glared at him, only for a second before his features softened again. Damn Hux looked pretty. He leaned up close to his ear, a few stray strands of ginger hair tickling his cheek. Kylo shuddered as he whispered sharply, _“Malu. Cachu.”_

Fuck French. Fuck it right in the ear…

“Okay…you’ve convinced me,” purred Kylo, taking Hux by the shoulders.

“Good. I was starting to get annoyed with this farce,” said Hux sternly, returning to his usual upright sitting position.

Kylo sighed. So much for sexy Hux…

“You can let go now,” said Hux more insistently.

“Oh, yeah, right, sorry,” said Kylo, taking his hands off Hux’s shoulders. He had completely forgotten they were there. It had just felt like such a natural place to put them. Feeling the absence of the fleecy cardigan, boney frame and drunken warmth, keeping his hands to himself was no longer satisfying.

Hux grinned to himself as Kylo retracted his hands, “ _Haliwr._ ”

Kylo had a sneaking suspicion that Hux had been swearing at him in Welsh the whole time, but he was willing to put up with it. What he was not willing to put up with that the fact that Hux felt so good in his hands, and those hands were now empty. He needed an excuse to touch him again. Any excuse. Had Hux spilled anything on himself? Any food he forgot to wipe off his mouth? Fate had to throw him a bone somehow…

He looked at his own arm. That would work.

“So, since you don’t seem so disgusted by them anymore, think you’d ever get a tattoo?” asked Kylo.

“They aren’t disgusting, I just think they aren’t appropriate for a professional environment,” corrected Hux. He seemed to be thinking about it, “There’s no real point in getting one if I have to cover it up all the time for work.”

“You don’t get tattoos for other people to look at,” said Kylo, slurring slightly, “You get them because they mean something to you. It doesn’t matter if people know you have them or not. If you really want one there’s lots of good places to get them where nobody would notice them.”

“Such as?” inquired Hux, sipping his beer.

“Um, like, your ankle,” said Kylo, letting his foot brush against Hux’s, “Or maybe you’re wrist, you could cover it with a watch…”

Kylo put his hand over Hux’s wrist, pretending to pull back his shirt sleeve enough to look at the size of his watch strap, “Yeah, you could have a small one under that. Or anywhere under your clothes really. And of course...”

Kylo reached up towards Hux’s hair. Hux did not move, allowing the TA to continue. Kylo gently brushed the hair close to Hux’s ear away from it, “This is a really popular place to get them right now. You could get like, a music note or butterfly or-”

“Pawprint,” said Hux.

“Pawprint? Like a wolf or…”

“No, like my cat.”

Hux took out his phone, and in the act of pulling away Kylo’s fingers hit empty air. Hux scrolled through an image gallery, “Don’t tell anyone, alright?”

“…why?” asked Kylo, who was still upset Hux was not letting him touch him anymore and surprised that Hux was a cat person. He thought a control freak like Hux would be into big military dogs like German Shepherds or Dobermans.

“Look, the students already make fun of my hair, my accent, my mannerisms, my clothes, I don’t want my poor cat being dragged into it as well. Besides, personal lives should be checked at the door upon entering the workplace,” explained Hux. He held up his phone for Kylo to look, “…this is Millicent. She just turned three.”

Kylo looked at the picture of the lithe ginger cat, draping herself innocently over a pile of forms, looking at the camera with big round eyes. Kylo could not help grinning, “She’s cute.”

“Isn’t she?” said Hux, looking more content and passionate than Kylo had ever seen him before, “I have more. Look at this one. Little rascal stole my sock garter. Isn’t she adorable?”

“Not as adorable as you.”

“…what?”

“What?”

“…”


	5. Mongolian Deathworms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story Time: Back when video-rental stores were a thing, my mom used to rent ALL the B-movies she could find and forced everyone to watch them with her. One of them was called Mongolian Deathworms. We still haven't forgiven her for making us sit through Attack of the Griffin though. 
> 
> Also, if you live in a foreign country teaching EFL or teach ESL, then you have lots of conversations like Hux and the receptionist (her name is Marina. She's Poe's cousin.)

The funniest part about being wasted was often the complete sense of denial a person could whip themselves into when they were too drunk to think straight and the bizarre ideas that would get into their heads.

It was something Kylo often thought when he was sober, a few hours after the hangover had subsided, and he could look back on the nights drunken antics with a sense of humor. Now was different. Now he was not completely smashed per se, but definitely past buzzed. Hux was gone though. Cheeks pleasantly flushed as they staggered out of the bar, humming a little song about…well…Kylo had no idea what he was singing but he could have sworn he heard Hux mumble the words ‘sauce pan.’

“We…are not driving,” Hux announced and they stumbled along.

“It’shhh only a few-” said Kylo, accidentally slurring.

“No” said Hux firmly, giving his chest a light slap before holding him by the shoulders, “We are not driving.”

“Fine,” groaned Kylo, “You’re worse than m-my mom.”

“I am going to sleep in my car…I just need a quick rest…” mumbled Hux as he slumped against Kylo, trailing off into his ‘sauce pan’ song again.

Kylo looked down at Hux and patted his shoulder with a little more force than he intended. He looked at the hazy world around him and thought it was lovely. There were crickets singing, alcohol was insulating him against the fall chill, and the sounds of the country music playing inside The Outer Rim carried faintly into the parking lot. Best of all he had a hot redhead about to pass out in his arms. Kylo entertained the romantic image of scooping the unconscious principal up little a princess and carrying him to-

Kylo stumbled. He was not sure how or why, but he did. Hux nearly fell over, latching onto Kylo again for balance. Kylo looked around, feeling uneasy on his feet. Everything was swaying back and forth. He looked at Hux fretfully, “Did you feel that?”

Hux shook his head and held onto Kylo’s shoulder. Kylo put a finger to his lips before looking around. Everything seemed to be back to normal. He took a hesitant step and the world shook again. He gripped Hux tighter, “I think there’s something out there…”

“What?” asked Hux fretfully, looking around and pulling out his keys. He had some kind of metal rod on it and a mostly purple triangle ornament.

“I don’t know,” said Kylo, “But I think…I think it’s in the ground.”

“In the ground?” asked Hux incredulously.

“Yeah…yeah it’s burrowing in the asphalt. Listen,” whispered Kylo.

He took a hesitant step and the world shook again. He heard rustling and crunching, convinced that it was coming from deep under his feet. He wracked his memory for a creature that would be underground, one that would make such terrible sounds. He gripped Hux tighter as it all came back to him. He whispered softly, fearfully:

“Hux…I think it’s the Mongolian Deathworms.”

Hux looked up at him with drunken indignation and slurred at him, “You’re making that up.”

“No! Listen!” hissed Kylo, holding Hux protectively, “Can’t you feel them moving under our feet?”

Hux stopped and looked around. Suddenly he wrapped his arms around Kylo’s waist and whispered a hurried, “Oh my god you’re right. What do we do?”

“Move…very slowly…” said Kylo. He whimpered, “We won’t be safe in the cars…they can eat cars…I saw it in a movie.”

“Shit,” hissed Hux, still holding onto Kylo. He pointed past the sixteen wheeler, a little ways down the road, “You think- You think we can make it there?”

Kylo had trouble reading the smaller print on the sign, but the big neon letters that said ‘Motel’ and ‘Vacancy’ were clearly visible. He nodded, “Yeah, Deathworms can’t eat motels. We’ll be safe there.”

“Oh my god, Kylo, do you think it followed you from Mongolia?” asked Hux fretfully.

“Oh shit…” whimpered Kylo, feeling like he was going to wet himself, “It’s coming to get me.”

“It can’t do that, you’re still liable for damages!” snapped Hux. Kylo wondered…damages? Oh, right, from the dance.

Kylo clutched Hux tighter, “How can you talk about that when there’s a Mongolian Deathworm trying to eat me!?”

“Then let’s get out of here,” insisted Hux, trying to pull away, “Kylo let go we have to run from the Deathworms. We have to run from them Kylo.”

“No, we can’t run and I have to hold you. You’ll throw them off my scent Hux. You’re Welsh, you’ll mask my American scent,” said Kylo. He watched the ground carefully, “Okay, let’s move very, very slowly.”

“Slowly, right,” said Hux, keeping an arm around Kylo’s waist.

Together they shuffled fretfully out of the parking lot, past Hux’s car, then Kylo’s, then stumbled past the sixteen wheeler. Kylo watched the ground carefully for shaking rubble, flying dust and other signs of Deathworm activity. Hux clung to him, still holding onto that metal rod, as if it would have done him any good against a Deathworm. Kylo held Hux closer. He had to protect him. He was so scrawny, ginger and Welsh, he did not stand a chance out in a world full of horrific monsters.

And yet the fear was getting to him. Also his bladder was also getting to him. He was not smashed, definitely not smashed, but he had drank a lot of beer. He felt like he was going to explode. His stomach hurt and his head was heavy. He slumped over to his knees, almost taking Hux down with him, “Hux…I can’t go on…save yourself….leave me Hux…”

“No!” hissed Hux, “The insurance company won’t believe a Deathworm…from Mongolia…I can’t leave you here!”

“I have to pee so bad…” whimpered Kylo.

Hux looked down at him a look of realization spreading across his face, “No, that’s it, relee…uree…pee. You have to do it.”

“But someone might drive by and watch me pee,” complained Kylo.

“No, this will work. It’s after you, right? So if you pee its sense of smell might get thrown off,” explained Hux.

That was a surprisingly good plan for someone who did not know what a Mongolian Deathworm was. Kylo shoved Hux off of him and turned away from the highway. He closed his eyes and whimpered, “Hux, it’s too quiet, I can’t do it.”

“Just think about Niagara Falls Kylo. You need to pee and confuse that thing,” said Hux from…somewhere. Kylo had no idea where he was. He looked over his shoulder. Oh, there he was, watching the road and humming about that sauce pan again.

“Niagara Falls, got it,” said Kylo. Niagara Falls, gushing water, flowing into a rushing river full of whirlpools. Water sloshing everywhere. Anything but Deathworms popping up out of the ground and swallowing him whole. Sauce pan song. Hux singing the sauce pan song. It calmed him down a little. Then all of Kylo’s thoughts were waterfalls and leaky faucets. That seemed to do the trick.

Kylo zipped up his pants and rejoined Hux. Kylo tried to hold onto him again but Hux pushed back, “Don’t touch me with that hand, you just held your dick with it!” Kylo wiped his hands off on his pants before Hux conceded, “That’s better, come on.”

Staying close to Hux - mostly because he was hiding his scent from the Mongolian Deathworm, but also partly because he was actually sort of cute when he got angry - they continued towards the motel. They stumbled most of the way, occasionally stopping for a break and to check and see if the Deathworm was still following them. Hux was slightly out of breath, “This is taking forever…might just chance it in the car…”

“No Hux! Just think about mattresses and mostly clean sheets!” said Kylo encouragingly, “We’re really close now.”

“Kylo, if we make it out of this, I want you to know…” said Hux solemnly. He stopped, held his chest, heaved slightly and then recovered, “I want you to know…I consider you an ass and a lia…lia…person who destroys things…but you listen. You’re a good listener Kylo.”

“Hux, uh, Lou-Ellen, I thought…thought you were just a narc and a hardass,” confessed Kylo, “But…but you’re a cuddly ginger kitty.”

“What about Millicent now?” asked Hux deliriously.

“No, you, you’re a sexy little kitty cat,” said Kylo, stumbling along, “And I am going to give you milk and lots of string to play with, because you are such a…such a good kitty Hux.”

“Cats don’t drink milk when they’re grown…” protested Hux with a groan.

They stumbled up the lane. Kylo paused and looked over his shoulder. He heard a sudden roaring sound. He held onto Hux tighter, “It’s the Deathworm!”

“Run!” shouted Hux, pulling Kylo along. Kylo had not expected Hux to be a sprinter, but the slighter man pulled him along behind so quickly that Kylo nearly lost his footing at first. Then he really did lose his footing. He lay in the dirt for a moment, fully expecting to be eaten alive when Hux came back for him, and pulled him up the walkway by his wrists.

A few seconds later Kylo decided being dragged was unpleasant, and got to his feet. Trailing behind Hux slightly, they burst through the front door and slammed it behind them. They panted, slightly out of breath, exchanged looks of relief when the roaring noise passed in front of the motel, and then darted for the front desk.

“Hi,” said Kylo, trying not to slur, “There…There is a Deathworm outside. It followed me from Mongolia.”

“He’s been to Mongolia,” added Hux solemnly.

“I’ve been there.”

The receptionist, a petite Latina woman gave them a look of terror before uttering a quiet, horrified, “¿Qué?”

“Oh lord…” grumbled Hux before shouting irately, “Step back! Step back! I know how to speak Spanish! Step BACK!”

On that final, emphatic ‘step back,’ he gave Kylo a shove that sent him crashing to the floor. Kylo was not aware that he had fallen over until he felt the coolness of the floor tiles under his cheek and settled in, listening to the ground intently. The receptionist let out a slight shriek as Hux rounded on her.

Hux held up a hand and seemed to be trying to remember something, “Nous…sommes…Nos somos…” he gave up and pointed at Kylo, “¡No tienes un cerebro!”

“S-sí…” she replied, nodding emphatically.

“Es un cachorro…” added Hux. He snapped his fingers beside his head, clearly trying to recall something, “Cama…en un…paredes…”

The receptionist nodded again. She pointed to the keys behind her and offered, “¿Cuarto?”

“Sí,” said Hux, giving his fingers a final snap before nodding and reciting, “Un cuarto doble por favor.”

“Only one…” she said hesitantly, holding up a key, “It’s a one…one bed. One room one bed room.”

“Single?” offered Hux.

“Single,” she confirmed before mumbling to herself, committing the word to memory, “One bed is single, one bed is single…”

Hux drummed his fingers on the desk then looked at Kylo, then at the door. He accepted the keys and announced, “I am sleeping with this man because there is a Mongolian Deathworm outside. No somos amantes. ¿Comprendes?”

“Sí…” said the receptionist uncomfortably, sliding Hux a form, “Sign and credit card please.”

Hux pulled out his wallet and began filling out the form, grumbling something. Kylo took the opportunity to listen to the ground carefully. There was a rumbling, but it was distant, and getting further and further away from the sound of it. He let out a sigh of relief. They had escaped the Mongolian Deathworm.

“Hux I think it’s gone,” said Kylo, ear still on the ground.

Hux kicked him lightly in the leg, “I got the bloody room. Let’s go.”

“Second floor, on left,” directed the receptionist, pointing to a staircase.

“On _the_ left,” corrected Hux lightly, “Second floor, on _the_ left.”

The receptionist nodded and chanted, “ _The_ left, on _the_ left, on the left, on the left...”

Hux nodded and waved at her and kicked Kylo again before the taller man got to his feet. He held Hux by the shoulders as he stabilized himself, “Hux…you saved my life…”

“Yes I suppose I did, didn’t I,” said Hux smugly as he stumbled towards the stairs.

Kylo followed behind Hux. Mostly because his knee really, really hurt from falling down so much, but also a little bit because Hux’s butt looked good when he walked upstairs. Hux got to the room first, fumbling with the key and the lock before the door finally opened. He stepped inside, pulling Kylo with him before he stumbled to the bathroom.

Kylo looked around the room. It was definitely more secure than the car. It was just big enough for a bed, a little bedside table, and a big, chunky TV that looked older than most of his students. Kylo kicked off his sneakers and flopped on the bed. He knew the sheets probably were not as clean as they felt, but they smelled nice and fresh. He buried his face in the pillow and hummed contentedly. It was worth risking being eaten by a Deathworm for.

Hux tripped his way out of the bathroom and towards the bed, haphazardly shedding his cardigan along the way. He sat on the edge beside Kylo and said, “Move over.”

“You won’t feel weird?” asked Kylo.

“We’re two grown men sharing a hotel room because there is a monster outside,” slurred Hux, fighting with…with…something that wrapped around his leg to hold his socks up. He looked down at Kylo, “Men don’t get jitters over sharing a bed. Boys do.”

“Can I take off my pants?” asked Kylo.

“Pants should stay on. We’re not animals,” Hux insisted.

“Shirt?” Kylo asked, tugging at his solid black collared shirt.

“Shirt’s fine,” shrugged Hux.

Kylo started fiddling with the buttons, finding them more difficult than usual to open. Hux opened one more button on his collar before curling up on the single bed next to him. Kylo shook his shoulder, “Hux, Hux you forgot the light.”

Hux groaned and got out of bed as Kylo peeled his shirt off, tossing it beside Hux’s discarded cardigan. Hux was about to turn off the light when he looked at Kylo. He pointed at his stomach, somewhat bemused, “One…two…three…four…”

“There’s eight,” said Kylo, grinning in what he was sure was a very seductive way, and running a hand over his hard-earned abs, “Want a closer look?”

Hux shook his head and snorted before turning off the light. Kylo heard him stumble across the room before flopping into the bed beside him. Kylo felt him settle onto the pillow next to him. In the dim, sickly moonlight he could see Hux’s eyes were still open, his usual slicked back hair starting to messily slide from its usual place. Kylo could not help brushing it back into place with his fingers. Hux, continued to watch quietly, not screaming or grabbing his wrist, so Kylo assumed it was alright to keep doing it.

“Feels nice…” said Hux quietly into the pillow.

“Mhmm?” hummed Kylo inquiringly.

“Kylo?” asked Hux.

“Yeah?” replied the TA, smoothing Hux’s hair down softly.

“I feel like I can trust you…not with breakable things but…maybe…personal things,” said Hux.

“I can keep a secret…” said Kylo, shuffling even closer.

“Promise?” asked Hux, softly, more vulnerable than Kylo had ever seen him, “I want to show you something…something I haven’t shown anyone…can I show you?”

“Yeah, show me Hux,” said Kylo, pressing against Hux so they were flush against each other. He was right up against the lithe principal now, feeling his warmth and sinewy little muscles under his skin and clothing. Breathing in he could pick up Hux’s cologne under the smell of beer and cigarette smoke. It smelled really nice. He felt Hux shift against him and Kylo held onto him by the shoulder, just to keep him from falling off the bed. He was surprised to find one of his hands could nearly wrap all the way around Hux’s arm. He was so tiny under his sweater, it made Kylo feel a bit worried that the man would break up hallway fights by himself. Feeling just how slight Hux really was made him feel strangely protective of him.

Then a bright light flashed on above him. Kylo winced before looking up at it. There was a picture of a familiar ginger cat. He looked down at Hux, confused. Hux for his part averted his eyes and shyly said, “Th-this is Millicent’s Instagram. Well, it’s mine, since she can’t type, but I run it like it’s hers…d-don’t tell anyone, alright?”

Kylo sighed. He was hoping Hux would have a sexier secret than a kitty Instagram. Like a mole or birthmark he’d have to strip down a bit to show off. He settled in and irately muttered, “Yeah, she’s cute Hux.”

“You think so? How about this one?”

“It’s nice…”

“I know, not her best work but still cute. There’s this one where she’s drinking from the faucet.”

“Yeah that’s…that’s really something Hux.”

“This is the same one with more colour saturation, oh and this one here…”

Then Kylo came to a stark realization. Hux’s cat was going to be a massive cockblocker.


	6. Dew Drop Inn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our brave heroes face an all new terror in this tale of adventure and woe. Running into a student's parent! How will Hux and Kylo get out of this one?

Hux woke up to discover a half-naked art TA tangled around him.

His first instinct was to shout, but that was subdued by his second discovery that morning. He had an awful hangover. He blinked at the morning light, shining directly into his face, and groaned. Hazarding another look he took in his surroundings. Hotel- no- motel, cheap, clean enough, half-naked man practically on top of him.  

Hux had no idea where he was supposed to put his hands. To prod Kylo’s bare skin seemed too forward, so Hux gave him a light jab in the shin with his foot. He whispered softly, “Ren…Kylo…you need to wake up.”

Kylo grumbled something indecipherable and pulled Hux closer against him. That was when Hux felt it. A hand on a place where it most certainly did not belong. Colouring indignantly, Hux hissed, “Ren, get your hand off my ass.”

Kylo opened his eyes slightly, groaning before burying his face in a pillow. Decorum be damned. Hux shoved at his chest, debating whether or not he would be able to toss the man in his groggy, aching state. Hux decided not to chance it. If he overexerted himself he might throw up. In the meantime, for the first time since university, someone had dared put their hand on his rear, and Hux did not appreciate it in the least. He spoke a bit more loudly, giving another push, “Ren, move your hand!”

“M’kay…” he mumbled into the pillow.

Hux gasped, freezing in place as Kylo’s hand moved, firmly, deliberately, down to his thigh and back up again, kneading gently as it lazily trailed back and forth. Kylo let out a contented sigh and finished by giving Hux’s backside two satisfied pats. Hux coloured an even deeper shade of red. Fuck his hangover. He slapped Kylo’s chest, hard.

“Let go!” snarled Hux.

Kylo snapped out of his stupor with a start, looking down at the pink handprint on his chest. When he moved, removing his arms and legs, Hux found he had no support and tumbled off the bed with an undignified yelp. Kylo looked over the side of the bed, nursing his sore chest, “What was that for?”

“You were…your hand was,” Hux began, sitting upright, blushing furiously as his accent briefly slipped back into Welsh, “You were grabbing my ass!”

Kylo stared, likely just as hungover as Hux was, with just the slightest amount of regret on his features. He looked around the room before he whispered, “Do you think maybe, just maybe, your ass was the one grabbing my hand?”

Hux glared.

“Worth a shot…” mumbled Kylo, getting out of bed to retrieve his shirt. He groaned at the lights as he untangled his sweater from Hux’s cardigan, “Ugh…what happened last night?”

Hux tried to recall. His memory, normally perfect, was clouded by a haze of alcohol. He looked around the room, the sights and smells triggering the memories, at least the ones in the hotel room, back to the forefront of his mind. Hux pointed to the door, “Came in, lights, bathroom, took off my socks and cardigan, got into bed, forgot the lights…” he trailed off slightly at the memory of seeing Kylo’s sculpted midsection for the first time. He might not have found it attractive, but it had been impressive, “Came back to bed, you…” he trailed off again at the memory of Kylo’s hands gently putting his hair back in place and how soothing it felt, “looked at pictures of Millicent with me, then we went to sleep.”

“You remembered all that?” marvelled Kylo.

“Of course,” said Hux, taking his cardigan back before checking his watch, “Almost seven forty-five. Do you want to shower first?”

“You should go first, I’ll probably use up all the soap,” admitted Kylo, pulling a strand of disheveled raven hair to emphasise his point before settling back into bed.

“How chivalrous of you,” said Hux, disappearing into the bathroom.

***

True to his word, Kylo did use up all the soap, and likely all of the hot water in the building. It had taken him nearly an hour to get cleaned up. How could a person spend more than ten minutes in the shower? Hux’s longest shower, if memory served, had been a whopping seven minutes. At least, while Kylo showered, Hux had a chance to look around. There were instructions for the television and telephone, written in English and Spanish. Glancing out the window gave him a lovely view of the dumpster. After arranging his hair as best he could, he decided to watch the news. Finding nothing but boring morning talk shows he switched the Spanish channel, groggily repeating after the weathergirl as he tried to put his brain in order.

When Kylo finally emerged, Hux gave him a nod and turned the television off. Stepping out into the hall, more memories were triggered. A conversation, correcting some English, ‘it’s on _the_ left,’ ‘you saved my life,’ stumbling up the stairs, fumbling with the key, nothing horrible.

It was not until he entered the foyer that Hux blushed brightly for the third time that morning. He remembered how they had gotten to the motel, their stupid drunk logic, Kylo clinging to him, trying to outrun a…a…Mongolian Deathworm?

Kylo looked down at Hux as they approached the reception desk, “Something wrong?”

“Nothing,” said Hux sharply, smashing his palm onto the little silver bell.

Hux cringed as a man emerged. He was shorter than Hux, dark skinned, slightly heavy-set, had a mess of dark curls that fell into his eyes. Hux knew the man, but this could not be _that_ motel. He glanced at the plaque above the desk and blanched.

Dew Drop Inn.

“Huxy!” exclaimed Poe Dameron’s father so loudly that Kylo drew back, clutching his aching head.

“It’s just Hux, actually…” mumbled the principal, hoping the man would follow his lead and keep his voice down.

“Guess Marina must have checked you in pretty late last night,” he observed.

Hux slid the key towards him, “Yes, she was a charming young lady, we’re leaving now.”

“Cool, cool, bro, just need to get you to fill out this survey, then you’re free to go,” said Mr. Dameron, handing Hux a card and a pencil. He added, ringing the bell twice, “I can get someone to help with any bags if you want, though I guess that’s what you brought your boyfriend for.”

Hux pressed the pencil down so hard that the lead snapped off. He glanced up at Mr. Dameron and insisted, “He’s not my boyfriend. We got a little drunk and needed to sleep it off.”

“Hey man, I don’t judge, just thought you were a thing. You look good together,” replied the man in a way that was far too much like Poe for Hux’s comfort. He was beginning to see where the boy got his carefree, easygoing attitude from. Mr. Dameron chuckled, “Poe talks about you a lot.”

“That explains why you think my name is Huxy…” muttered Hux under his breath.  

“And this one. Poe wasn’t into art before you came along,” Mr. Dameron continued, “Kylo, right?”

Kylo gave a slight smile and nodded. Hux whispered, “Look, as much as I’m enjoying this parent-faculty interview, I’d like to keep this quiet.”

“Hey man, this happens to everyone, trust me. Got a lot of names in the guestbook that you wouldn’t expect to see,” replied the man flippantly.

“If you promise not to breathe a word about our particular names on your register, I promise not to tell anyone about the half a pound of marijuana that was delivered near the dumpster this morning,” said Hux. He also wondered to himself what use any one person could have for a half-pound of weed. Though if the phone call was any indication, the man probably smoked with friends fairly regularly. He tried to calculate how much each person would smoke and how long the drugs would last.

Poe’s father put his hands up in the air in a mocking surrender, “Wow, you seriously have no chill. Really living up to that fiery red-head stereotype.”

Hux scowled and pushed the survey back towards Mr. Dameron, “May we leave now?”

“Principal Hux!?”

Hux froze. He knew that voice.

“Holy…it is you! And Mr. Ren! That means…that means…” said Poe, bounding from the door beside the reception desk. He was wearing his usual jacket, t-shirt and jeans, with the addition of a little brass name tag with the motel’s logo on it. He clapped Hux on the shoulders and exclaimed, “You totally scored! I knew you had it in you!”

Hux was too stunned to say a word in protest. He coughed, finally recovering and said, “Dameron…what are you doing here…?”

“I help out on weekends,” said Poe cheerfully, flashing his name tag with pride, “And oh man, I’m glad I didn’t skip today, now Rey owes me ten bucks and Jessika owes me twenty!”

Mr. Dameron gave a slight cough before chuckling and pointing at the sweater under Hux’s arm. Poe shrugged and held out his arm, affecting a terrible French accent, “May I take your sweater and escort you to your car monsieurs?”

“No thank you…” muttered Hux, still pale as death, turning on his heels and beelining towards the door.

“It’s not a problem. Like I said, mama raised me not to let a pretty man like you walk himself to his car,” said Poe, flashing his trademark grin and a thumbs up, practically bouncing to the door behind Hux.

Kylo trailed after them, hands in his pockets, still nursing his headache.

“Poe…” said Hux slowly, pulling his cardigan back on to shield himself from the cool morning air, “I hope you won’t say a word about this.”

“But everyone will think you’re so much cooler,” said Poe, “I mean, I think you’re cooler now.”

Hux stopped and rounded on Poe, “There is nothing ‘cool’ about drinking yourself stupid and passing out drunk. I’ve set a very, very poor example and conducted myself in a way that is entirely undeserving of respect or admiration.”

Poe took a moment to take in the speech and all of its very long words. Hux was clearly very upset by this. Working at the motel on weekends, Poe had seen more than his fair share of one night stands and drunken encounters that ended in regret. A lot of people could laugh and shake them off, but just as many were like Principal Hux, completely freaked out of their minds and paranoid.

“Hux…” said Kylo, somewhere between a groan and a plea.

“Hey, come on Principal Hux, don’t beat yourself up,” said Poe, stepping around a weird smelling puddle on the side of the road, having spotted Hux’s silver car parked out in front of the bar by a red run down car and a taxi. He made his way towards it, “I mean, given the situation, you did all the smart things. You stuck with your buddy, didn’t drive anywhere and found a safe place to sober up. And best of all…”

Poe turned and pumped his fists in the air, “You totally scored!”

“Nobody scored!” snapped Hux. Poe grinned. At least he was back to his crabby old self now.

“Aw, come on,” said Poe.

“Nobody scored.”

Poe glanced at Kylo, who seemed to be having the world’s worst hangover as he trudged behind them. Hux nodded approvingly, “Thank you Kylo. See, there was nothing illicit between us at all. We just shared a room. That’s all.”

“Nothing, nothing, nothing…” chanted Kylo irately.

Poe looked from Hux’s now stoic, naïve features to Kylo, obviously on the verge of losing his temper. He blinked once, then twice, then realized exactly what sort of minefield he had walked into. Kylo was interested in Principal Hux, but Principal Hux was either the most oblivious man on the face of the planet or he had no interest in Kylo Ren. Which was impossible. The man supposedly had the physique of a Greek god, a mysterious past, a bad-boy attitude, and was just really, really freaking pretty. Who could possibly turn that down?

As they approached the parking lot Hux pulled out his keys. Poe whistled appreciatively as he caught sight of the long metal rod, “That looks like it could break some knuckles…”

“It has,” said the principal darkly, flipping through multiple keys before he found the one for his car.

“Oh…” said Poe. He spotted something else, a little striped triangle. Not a rainbow one like he was used to seeing, this one was purple, grey, white and black. He looked at it curiously, “What’s that for?”

“What does it matter to you? It doesn’t exist,” said Hux sarcastically, unlocking his car door and stepping inside. He pointed a finger at Poe warningly, “Not a word, Dameron. I mean it.”

“Heh, I doubt anyone would believe me anyways,” said Poe playfully, “Thanks for staying with us. Dew Drop Inn again.”

Hux rolled his eyes at the pun before slamming the car door. Poe watched him adjust his seat belt around himself before pulling out of the parking lot. This did not seem like the sort of place that someone like Principal Hux would come often, but he looked like he knew where he was going. Poe sniggered to himself. Hux’s programmer probably gave him an extra stick of RAM before unleashing him on the human population.

He looked at Kylo, who was staring after Hux’s car as it drove out of sight. Poe gave him a once over before asking, “So…details?”

Without warning Poe found himself lifted off the ground by his jacket. Kylo snarled up at him, “Cat photos!”

Poe blinked in confusion as Kylo continued to rave, “Cat photos! Nothing but goddamned cat photos until three in the morning! But did he stop there!? No! He had videos! The stupid cat has a thousand followers on instagram! I didn’t even know Hux could _use_ instagram!”

Poe tried to figure out how exactly the events in his life had led up to this moment. He had been born, went to school, learned how to ride a bike, discovered a talent for football, and now he was about to be murdered in a truck stop parking lot by a sexually frustrated art TA. Kylo, now livid with frustration growled, “Details? Oh, yeah, lots of juicy ones! He let me cuddle him while he was drunk, I guess that was nice of him! And do you know what that bastard did when he finished showing off his stupid cat!? He passes out! And after all that fucking flirting and teasing! I swear to god if I hadn’t been just as drunk as he was I would have woken him right back up and-”

“Okay!” interrupted Poe, “I can see you’re very, very upset by this. But, hey, at least he’s out of cat stuff to show you, right?”

This seemed to strike something with the TA because Kylo stopped, slowly lowered Poe to the ground and started to brush off his chest, “I understand my anger might have been alarming for you. I apologize if I hurt and or offended you. I will do my best in the future not to do it again.”

“Hey man, it’s cool,” said Poe, “Just, uh, make sure you really mean that not doing it again part.”

“Ugh, I just…really thought he might be into me. But no, it was all about the damned cat,” said Kylo, rubbing crust from his eyes with the back of his hand.

Poe considered himself a chill person, but even at that, giving relationship advice to one of his teachers was a bit weird. He patted Kylo on the shoulder awkwardly, “Maybe…or maybe he was just really drunk and wanted to show you his cat. But now that he’s sober and all out of cat photos…”

Kylo looked up in realization, “Do you think…?”

“Go to him,” said Poe, dramatically placing a hand on Kylo’s shoulder and gesturing down the road towards the city.

Kylo darted for the taxi and clambered into the back seat yelling, “Follow that douchey Prius! We have to stop him before he takes any more damned cat photos!”

The taxi tore out of the parking lot, the driver appearing to be terrified for his life. Poe shook his head as he watched it kick up dust as it sped towards the city. That was when Poe spotted someone walking. He squinted. Nobody went out for walks this far away from any proper trails or parks. It was a guy, young, carrying a bag. On closer inspection he was wearing his school’s colours.

On even closer inspection he was Finn.

Poe dashed down the road towards Finn, “Gummybear!? What are you doing here!?”

Finn held up the bag and called to him, “You left your lunch on the counter. I told your mom I would bring it to you.”

Poe caught up to Finn and held him by the elbows, ignoring the bag entirely, “B-but, you don’t drive, and the nearest bus station is a mile and a half away!”

“I don’t mind, I like long walks,” said Finn, trying to pass Poe his lunch.

Poe wrapped Finn in his arms. Finn was taller, but Poe still managed to trap him in a bear hug and swing him around exclaiming tearfully, “Gummybear! What did I do to deserve you? You sweet, beautiful cinnamon roll of a human being!”


	7. And if we shadows have offended...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is here. Thanks to everyone who read and commented :) 
> 
> This fic was plotted out when my and my trusty beta countofeight went on a daytrip. It's pretty much silly self indulgent fluff, a modern fairy tale with drunken shenanigans and Mongolian deathworms, where people can fall in love in three days and nobody questions the logic of that :P Also for someone like me, finding anyone who understands and respects my Ace-ness is a fairy tale ending. 
> 
> Also, I promised countofeight that after forcing them to slog through Love Was Such A Killing Thing that Kylo and Hux would have a safe, (mostly)sane and consensual relationship in at least one of my fics.

Hux could not believe the aftermath of their little excursion. The second he arrived home, he fed Millicent, who greeted him at the front door as he came in. He lay on his side, petting the cat, apologizing to her as she ate. He normally did not leave overnight without arranging for someone to come and feed Millicent. She must have been anxious when he had not arrived home and nobody was there to feed her at her usual time.

Just as Millicent began purring around a mouthful of food, there was a knock at the door. Hux sighed, getting to his feet and opening the heavy front door to find Kylo Ren standing on his step. Hux left the screen door closed as he crossed his arms and looked Kylo over, “Can I…help you with something?”

“I…took a cab…to your house…and I forgot my car…” began Kylo quietly, “So I’m sort of…stranded…”

Hux rolled his eyes and opened the screen door, “Come in. I have tea and instant coffee.”

“Thanks,” said Kylo, sighing with relief.

“Shoes off, no putting your feet on the furniture, and no eating in a room without a proper table,” instructed Hux as Kylo walked in.

Kylo rolled his eyes as he kicked his red sneakers onto a rubber mat beside Hux’s loafers. Hux went to the kitchen and started to fill an electric kettle with water as he thought about which teas he had to offer. He did not have much coffee, he found when he tried to brew it, it never turned out the way it did in coffee shops, so he just kept a few packs of instant mix around for when he needed an extra dose of caffeine. Kylo seemed like someone who drank coffee though, and he would probably ask for it. Hux suddenly felt a little self-conscious that Kylo was about to find out he kept such a common, tasteless thing in his house.

“You can sit in the dining area or the living room,” called Hux, “Which ever you-”

Hux gasped as he turned, nearly smacking into Kylo, who had snuck up behind him while he was preparing the kettle. Kylo flushed a little before looking away and mumbling, “Thought I could help…”

“Absolutely not. You’re visiting my home, so it’s only proper that I take care of this,” said Hux adamantly, “Something to eat? I have toast, oatmeal, fruits…”

“I’ll just have whatever you’re having,” said Kylo, scratching the back of his neck.

“That’s fine,” said Hux, “You can wait in the sitting room or the dining area, whichever you prefer.”

“Why can’t I just stay here in the kitchen?” asked Kylo, furrowing his brow.

“Because you’re the guest, I’m the host, and those are the rules,” replied Hux staunchly.

“Alright, alright…” said Kylo, throwing up his hands in surrender before leaving the room.  

Kylo sat in the living-room feeling awkward. Normally when he visited someone, everyone just sort of congregated in the kitchen. There was no host-guest dynamic. Everyone just sort of milled about and so long as there was enough beer in the fridge, everyone was happy.

Kylo looked around the living-room for something, anything that could be of interest. Hux’s house seemed fairly Spartan. Not a speck of dust or clutter in sight. All of the books on the shelf were arranged by subject then alphabetically by author. There was a small flat screen TV on top of a cabinet, with a few documentaries stored inside. The coffee table was immaculately kept, without a stain or scuff on the polished wooden surface. The couch had a plain, cream-coloured cover with sand coloured cushions. The only thing that was really out of place was the little cat platform in the corner by the window.

Something that caught Kylo’s attention was the lack of art on the walls. Even people who were not into art usually had something. A poster, a plaque, a certificate, something that would show off their tastes or accomplishments. With Hux’s walls there was nothing but blank space. Kylo had noticed there was nothing in his office either, just that weird football mug with the flags on it.

Hux entered the room carrying a wooden tray. It looked like something Kylo would have found on an instagram. Hashtag Grandma Aesthetic. There was a little white teacup, on it, bone-china cups with floral prints, a plate piled with buttered toast and a couple of spoons beside a cup of some kind of yellowish jam.

Hux set the tray down and sat beside Kylo. He poured the tea, which smelled like roses, into the cups before setting a cup and saucer in front of Kylo, “Now…why exactly did you jump in a cab and follow me to my house?”

Kylo drew a blank. He had impulsively jumped in a cab, calling for the driver to follow Hux. The thought of Hux leaving without them working things out had been unbearable. Kylo definitely, definitely wanted to be more than coworkers. Maybe more than friends. He had been drunk, very drunk, but Kylo felt like they could have a connection. If he let Hux get away now, there would probably never be another chance, another opportunity, to say something.

But if he said that now it would sound really, really creepy.

“I wanted…” Kylo began slowly, “To…meet…Millicent?”

Hux stared him down from behind his cup of tea, and just when Kylo thought he was about to say ‘get out of my house’ Hux shrugged, “Well that’s understandable.”

The principal put his thumb and forefinger in his mouth and let out a shrill whistle that made Kylo jump. There was a scrambling sound before a small ginger streak charged into the room before halting at Hux’s feet. Hux set down his cup and saucer before giving another, softer whistle and the cat jumped into his lap. Kylo’s jaw dropped.

“You trained your cat!?”

“Of course. I’m not going to let some wild animal have run of my house,” said Hux, stroking the cat and scratching it behind the ears.

“You _trained_ a _cat_ ,” repeated Kylo disbelievingly.

“Yes, we established this,” said Hux dismissively, as if the act of training one of the most stubborn species on the planet was nothing, “Now what are we going to do about your car? I suppose you’ll want a ride.”

“Uh…yeah, that’d be great,” said Kylo.

The silence that followed was weird. Hux continued to pet his cat and Kylo nibbled on a piece of toast. The jam turned out to be some sort of lemon spread. It figured Hux would start his days with something exotic and sour.

This was it. He had to bite the bullet. It was now or never. Hux did not seem like the sort of person who would laugh at this. Sneer maybe, but not laugh. He would probably say no as well, but Kylo felt like he had to at least try. He looked Hux over as he mumbled something to the cat. It might have been Welsh or English or anything really, the bookshelf was crammed with so many language books and dictionaries. Kylo found himself not caring what exactly Hux was saying, but just enjoying the soft almost inaudible way he said it.

Kylo pushed his empty cup of tea away, “Hux…”

“Oh, where are my manners. More tea?” he offered.

“No, it’s not about that, it’s…uh…” began Kylo, “I…I had a really good time last night.”

Millicent leapt off of Hux’s lap ran over to her platform, pouncing on a little green ball. Hux retrieved his tea and huffed, “Yes, I suppose you would enjoy making complete idiots of ourselves in front of a student and his father.”

“Not that, I mean, before that, when we were talking, I enjoyed spending time with you,” said Kylo, hoping that Hux understood.

“I’ll admit you proved to be surprisingly pleasant company,” said Hux quietly, setting his cup down again. He hurriedly added, “So, when would you like to get your car back?”

Kylo’s brow furrowed. That was not a calm dismissal, a naïve misunderstanding or a snide refusal. That was…nervousness? The unflappable Principal Hux was nervous? He looked at Kylo, hands in his lap, fingers pressing into his palms. Or, maybe he was not nervous. Maybe he had realized what a creepy thing it was to be stalked back to his house and he was feeling uncomfortable. Asking him out would only worsen his discomfort in that case, but if he walked away without trying…

“If you want…I’d like to spend more time with you,” offered Kylo.

Hux looked away. That was definitely nerves. When someone approached Hux when he did not want to be approached, Hux fought back. This was…Kylo had no idea what it was but it was not normal for Hux to act like this.

“Listen, Kylo, that’s unprofessional. I don’t mind being on friendlier terms with you, but I don’t anything further than that would be advisable,” muttered Hux hurriedly.

Kylo knew that was definitely not the case. It was unorthodox, but there was no rule against faculty members dating each other. And Hux would certainly not look so dejected at the idea of rule breaking. He would have snapped at Kylo, told him what a bad example he was setting and raved about how rules were necessary. This seemed more…personal.

Kylo sighed and reached over. He was not close enough to reach Hux, so he put his hand on the couch next to him and asked quietly, “Is it about your keychain?”  

When Kylo asked that question Hux could not help his breath hitching. He pressed his fingers into his palms and looked down at the uneaten toast and the crumbs on the table. He would have to clean those later. He hazarded a look at Kylo. As soon as he caught his large brown eyes looking at him sympathetically, Hux looked down again. He nervously tucked an imaginary stray hair behind his ear, “Kylo I’m…I’m not like normal people. You’ll just end up disappointed and frustrated.”

“ _Normal_ people?” repeated Kylo incredulously, “Hux…I never said you weren’t...”

“You don’t have to, I know I’m not, someone else already…” muttered Hux, “Look, I’m very flattered, but this isn’t a good idea.”

“Hux, if you’re not interested in a relationship, I’ll back off. But…I’m not going to let you sit here and make yourself miserable because someone said…” Kylo trailed off. He collected his thoughts and continued, “I mean, if you hate me that’s one thing…”

Typical Kylo, ever the Drama Queen. Hux sighed, “I don’t hate you.”

When Kylo did not reply Hux continued, “You’re…incredibly frustrating to work with. I always have to make allowances and exceptions for your condition and take pains to make sure everyone avoids your triggers. You’re a pain in the ass at budget meetings, you don’t take criticism well, you can’t stand it when one particular student won’t accept you as her teacher…but I don’t hate you…I…I feel like you’re inadequately equipped to live in the real world and…honestly I feel a bit like I have to protect you.”

No sooner had the words left his lips when Kylo grabbed him by the shoulders and gave Hux a solid shake, “Hux, are you crazy!?”

Hux was too stunned to react as Kylo raved, “L-look at you! You’re a skinny noodle taking on teenagers twice your weight, you’re all alone in a foreign country with nobody but your cat for company, you keep yourself closed off like this and…and if anyone around here needs protecting it’s you!”

With Kylo so close there was nothing for it but to look him in the eyes. Kylo, coming down from his moment of passion, let go of Hux’s shoulders and backed away. He looked down at his knees and repeated, “Sorry I…look…if you’re not into me it’s fine, but it has to be because you really don’t want it, not because you think you don’t deserve it.”

Hux watched Millicent play with her catnip ball and sighed, “Would you honestly be alright with someone like me? I’d never be attracted to you like other people would be. I’m…I’m not demi either…That means I’ll never be attracted to you the way you are to-”

“I know what asexuality is Hux,” said Kylo, moving closer.

Hux involuntarily moved back, retreating into the corner of the couch. Kylo moved closer, sitting so close that their legs touched. The TA slowly reached around, putting his arm around Hux, holding the back of the chair, careful not to touch him. The redhead could still feel the warmth from his arm radiating against the back of his head though.

Kylo continued, “I also know just because you aren’t attracted to people doesn’t mean you’re incapable of having feelings, no matter how much the kids seem to think you’re a robot.”

Hux huffed quietly through his nose.

“And I know it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy spending time with someone you like, and it really doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved,” said Kylo, sliding his arm closer. Hux did not move, which he hoped Kylo would interpret as his consent and approval. His nerves jolted when Kylo finally made contact. How long had it been since someone touched him with any sort of affection? Not since he had come to America, certainly. Kylo added, “And if you’re comfortable with it, if you want to…we could. I don’t mind if we’re not exactly on the same page when it comes to attraction, we can work it out.”

Kylo leaned in a little closer. This was it. Hux knew if he did not want things to escalate, now was the time to back out. If this went on any longer it would lead to something more, and if he wanted to end things after that it would be messy. Hux normally did not have to worry about issuing a rejection. Usually he just had to say he was incapable of being sexually attracted to someone and that would nip all of his past relationships in the bud. He was usually the one who was rejected, not the other way around.

Starting a relationship with a TA would be unorthodox. It would hardly be professional. If anyone found out there would be ridiculous amounts of gossip to contend with, and probably insults. It would make things awkward at meetings if Hux had to make cuts to the art department, or if he had to take disciplinary actions against Kylo. For sanity’s sake the best option would be to back out.

On the other hand, the man had turned out to be very understanding, extremely flattering, incredibly interesting and an incorrigible flirt…

Kylo’s arm was now fully around his shoulders. He caressed Hux’s upper arm gently before laying his cheek against the top of Hux’s head. This was it. There was officially no chance of turning back and Hux had not prepared a plan for extraction. This was going to happen. He was not quite prepared for this. All his previous relationships had ended in disaster when his partners had mistaken his lack of sexual attraction for a lack of emotion. But Kylo seemed different. It seemed as if, for once, he knew exactly what he was getting into.

Kylo continued, a little awkwardly, “And…it’s not like your nerves and brain don’t work…I mean, you might not be attracted to anyone but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy…things.”

Hux snorted slightly. The poor man could not bring himself to say it. That was absolutely precious. Hux allowed himself to relax against Kylo, just slightly. He grinned wickedly to himself, “I’m afraid I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

“You know…maybe…if you really liked who you were with…y-you know, not attracted to them but just liked them enough that you wouldn’t mind…” stammered Kylo.

“Hm?” Hux hummed inquiringly.

“M-maybe…” Kylo trailed off. Hux felt a hand move against his leg before Kylo continued more confidently, “With the right _stimulation_ …I know you won’t be attracted to me, but I think I could at least make things _entertaining_ for you…”

With each punctuated word, Kylo scratched his short nails along Hux’s slacks, making a soft zipping sound as he did. Hux watched his hand. The sensation was not an unpleasant one. In fact it he found it quite nice and relaxing.

Hux sighed, “On Monday morning you will still be in a lot of trouble. I can’t show you any leeway or favoritism because of this.”

“I know,” said Kylo.

“The thought of doing anything physical is almost never going to occur to me. That includes handholding, embracing, cuddling, all of it. You’ll have to initiate everything, and you’re going to be told ‘no’ a lot. I’m also probably never going to call you sexy or other such things. It’s not that I don’t like you, I just have no way of quantifying what ‘sexy’ is.”

“I kind of assumed that would be the case the second I spotted your keychain.”

“And when was that?”

“…mid-August…when I was setting up the classroom,” Kylo admitted quietly, “I was priming canvases…you were replacing an expired fire extinguisher. You had to take your keys out to open the glass case. I thought you were the English teacher or another TA, and I thought you were cute, so I thought I’d tell a joke to break the ice…”

Hux grinned and chuckled softly, “So you yelled across the room at me, ‘When do you suppose Principal Sux is going to descend from his throne and introduce himself to us lowly peasants?’”

“And you said, ‘I’m Principal _Hux_ , and I don’t exchange pleasantries with delinquents,’” said Kylo, “I felt like an idiot for weeks…”

“Well, to be fair, you are sort of act like an idiot, it’s only natural,” said Hux.

Kylo nuzzled against his neck, “That was a low blow…I’m not making you uncomfortable am I?”

“You’re fine. Just don’t expect me to do the same, or for me to have any idea what I’m doing if and when I do,” advised Hux.

“You have that eidetic memory though…” suggested Kylo, still trailing his nails up and down Hux’s leg, “I’m sure you’re a quick study…you need a teacher…if you want…give you some private lessons…”

Definitely no way out or plan for extraction. Not that Hux really minded at this point.

“I thought lessons on a Saturday were only for naughty students,” said Hux, fully relaxing against Kylo’s chest.

“They can also be for students making up for lost time…” offered Kylo. He gave Hux’s leg a gentle squeeze, “Seriously though, if I ever meet the asshole who said you weren’t normal I’ll tear his face off.”

“You’ll tear his face off?” repeated Hux.

“Face…” said Kylo, retracting his hand briefly to make a circular motion around his face before pulling it away dramatically, “Off.”

Hux stared up at him quizzically.

“You know, Face Off, with Nicholas Cage…” said Kylo. Hux looked at him with uncertainty before Kylo sighed, “Okay, lesson one, lovemaking, lesson two, Nick Cage movies.”

Hux flushed slightly at Kylo calling it ‘lovemaking.’ The TA must have noticed and started cuddling close again, “I’d like to get you started right away since you seem to have fallen behind, but we can always reschedule.”

Hux felt butterflies in his stomach for the first time in years. They fluttered up into his lungs and heart before resting behind the barrier of his teeth. In a voice that was much higher pitched than he meant it to be he replied, “Actually…I’m free all day…”

“You want to? You’re okay with it?” asked Kylo, “I know we’re having fun with the metaphor but this is a big step and it’s moving pretty fast and I need you to be a hundred percent clear that you really want me to take your vir-”

“Yes!” said Hux sharply, blushing furiously “Indeed! Certainly! Indubitably! Proceed with the coitus! Have I made my consent clear enough for you?”

Kylo laughed and Hux elbowed him, “What’s so funny?”

“You, with that accent and the rolling r,” laughed Kylo, who mimicked him, “Prrrrroceed with the coitus!”

“Well not on the couch we aren’t. I’ve been curious about this whole sex thing for a while, might as well see what the hype is about,” said Hux, standing up, still aware that he was very flushed and flustered. He crossed his arms over his chest, “M-my bedroom is down the hall…if you like.”

“Bedroom sounds fine,” replied Kylo softly, rising to his feet. He grinned mischievously before asking, “Can I…could I carry you?”

“Are you serious?” asked Hux.

“Yeah. I wanted to last night but we were both plastered…so, is it okay if I carry you?” asked Kylo.

Hux looked over at Millicent, who regarded him with large green eyes, and did not offer any sort of helpful advice that he desperately could have used. Hux flushed a deeper red and muttered, “If you break anything or hit my head on a doorway, I’ll never invite you here aga-!”

Without warning Hux could feel himself being hoisted up into the air, strong arms supporting him around his shoulders and under his knees. There was so much blood rushing to his face that he was certain his nose was going to start bleeding when Kylo looked down at him. Hux crossed his arms over his chest and looking away stammered, “ _Ha-haliwr_ …”

Kylo leaned down and kissed Hux’s cheek, “I don’t know what that means, but you sound cute saying it.”

* * *

 

Monday morning started with Principal Hux giving a quick and informative explanation about blackouts before Kylo Ren spent the next five minutes apologizing to everyone for his behaviour through the PA system. Hux had also made appointments with Rey and Phasma so Kylo could personally apologize to them at a more convenient time. Nearly everything was back to normal. Coach Phasma had arrived early for practice with the Lacrosse team, five students failed their drug screening and were sent home, Principal Hux broke up a fight in the tech hall, and Poe Dameron returned to First Order High School as a conquering hero.

The only thing that was slightly out of the ordinary was the fact that Principal Hux’s usual cardigan had been replaced by a high collared Aran sweater and a blazer.

“You kind of look like a weathered sea captain…” noted Kylo when he had turned off the PA system and backed away from the microphone.

“And whose fault is that?” seethed Hux, “It’s the only thing I own that would cover the damned marks. I’m going to either have to come up with some excuse or find some turtlenecks or-”

“Or you could show them off. Let people know you’re dating someone,” suggested Kylo, sitting in the chair what was usually reserved for students who had caused trouble, “You don’t have to say it’s me, but, you know, you’re allowed to let people know you have a life outside of work.”

“If I’d known you were such an animal…” muttered Hux. He looked at Kylo incredulously, “We didn’t even make it to the bedroom!”

“Well, to be fair we were mostly in the bedroom,” offered Kylo, “And the second round was most definitely on the bed.”

Hux covered his face and groaned, “God I lost track of the time…slept for twelve hours at least, it took us until Sunday to get your car back…Millicent was very put out with me for not paying attention to her…we are never doing that again.”

“You weren’t exactly complaining about it while it was happening,” countered Kylo. He grinned, “And I couldn’t resist, especially since your accent slips when you-”

“Yes, well, let’s not talk about that here…” said Hux, “And you’re going to have to get yourself back to the art room.”

“I have a spare. Maybe, since I teach art and all, I could help you decorate your office,” said Kylo. Hux glowered up at him and Kylo sighed, “At least put your name on the door or the desk or something.”

“I have one…students kept poking fun at it…” mumbled Hux, pulling a desk drawer open. He pulled out a name plate and set it on the desk facing Kylo.

_‘Principal Llewellyn Hux P.H.D.’_

“That’s how you spell your name?” said Kylo.

Hux’s brow furrowed, “How did you think it was spelled?”

“Lou,” said Kylo, forming brackets with his hands. He moved them from one side to another to indicate a new word, “Ellen.”

“God, no!” exclaimed Hux.

There was a knock on the door and Mitaka, the much beleaguered janitor poked his head into the room, “Um, Principal Hux, this was left outside your door.”

“Thank you, just leave it on the desk. By the way, someone absolutely destroyed one of the toilets in the first floor women’s bathroom,” said Hux, “Take care of it when you get the chance.”

Mitaka grimaced as he closed the door behind himself, “Yes sir…I’ve already called a plumber…”

“Good man,” said Hux dismissively, looking at the letter he had left on the desk. It was small, green, with his name written in big block letters. Hux cautiously sniffed it before slicing it open with one of his keys.

“If you think it’s anthrax I’ll open it for you,” offered Kylo sarcastically.

“One can never be too cautious,” said Hux, pulling the card from the envelope.

There was a little white cat sitting in a basket on the front of it. Underneath were the words, ‘Get Well Soon.’ Hux found it slightly ominous, since he had not been sick, and opened the card slowly. Inside the preprinted message read, ‘Hoping for a fast recovery.’ Written beneath it with messy, chicken scratch hand-writing said, ‘I’m sorry you’re a plant person. On behalf of the human race I welcome you to Earth. -Poe. P.S. I hope you stopped being butt-hurt.’

Hux held up the message for Kylo to read, glowering, “What’s butt-hurt? Is that some American innuendo I’m not familiar with? I thought we made it clear nothing happened at the motel. Unless he’s found us out…”  

Kylo snorted and pressed a hand to his mouth. He stopped laughing when Hux’s glare would not go away. He explained, “No, it means…when you get really upset over something small or stupid, sometimes on the internet they call it being butt-hurt.”

“Butt-hurt?”

“Yeah, and then sometimes someone offers to call you a whaambulance. And then everyone’s like whaa~ whaa~ whaa~. Get it? Because it’s a siren but also the sound a baby makes when it-”

“Charming. I think I get the point.”

“Wait…what are you doing?” asked Kylo.

Hux looked down, stopping mid-task, “Putting the card in the drawer…”

“No, you should keep it on your desk, or on the filing cabinet,” suggested Kylo, “You could start a collection.”

“Let’s take this one step at a time…” said Hux, “I’ll leave the nameplate out and maybe we could brainstorm what to do with these walls. I think a cork board might be functional.”

“You’re not getting a cork board. You are going to get something fun and decorative that shows off your interests, and you’re going to put it right over there,” said Kylo, gesturing to the blank wall, “Like a poster with a bunch of languages, or a map of Wales, or a motivational picture of a cat or-”

“How about a quote from Dante. I could put it right behind me here,” said Hux with a wicked grin, jerking a thumb over his shoulder, “‘Abandon all Hope Ye Who Enter Here.’ The students will see it when they walk in. Think you could do up a plaque for me in medieval calligraphy? The more austere the better.”

“That’s…actually kind of funny. I think I could do that,” said Kylo, taking a closer look at the wall behind Hux, “And maybe a plant?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” said Hux.

“A _carnivorous_ plant?”

“…I’ll look into it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux does wind up getting that plant by the way. It's a Venus Flytrap named Sir Walsingham.


End file.
